Jill's Expedition to Ethiopia

The day I fell in love.....

2011-10-05T06:37:00.010-04:00

There are many dates in an adoptive parent's life that stand out. Some fade over time: the date my dossier was finished and went to Ethiopia, the first and second court dates that fell through, the dates I flew over and home again, etc. But there are a handful that will always be remembered and celebrated: referral day, family day, the day I met Mari's birth family, landing in the US and being HOME.

Today, October 5th, is referral day. The day I fell in love. The day I received the picture of the baby with the unbelievably gorgeous, and intense, chocolate brown eyes. Those eyes dared you not to be in love, they had stories of untold sadness, they asked questions, they held a lifetime of anticipation, and they were full of curiosity. Those eyes still speak volumes but they've added new depths; laughter, wonder, and a twinkle that tells me I better be on my toes every minute of the day.

I fell in love with those big brown eyes 4 years ago and they are still my favorite part of you, Miss Amari.

October 5th, 2007 October 5th, 2008
October 5th, 2009 October 5th, 2010 October 5th, 2011 4 years. Wow.

Beach Beach Beach!!!!

2011-09-20T19:23:00.014-04:00

For the third year, we spent our vacation at the beach. I love the beach but I hate heat, sun, and crowds. So we always wait until after Labor Day to go....lower prices, cooler temps, less crowds. Two years ago it was hot, last year it was chilly. This year it was perfect! Our vacation was in immediate danger of not happening - two weeks before we went, Hurricane Irene rampaged right on through our beloved beach and then it was again threatened by Hurricane Maria. Luckily, the damage from Irene was minimal and quickly fixed and Maria decided to take a quick turn back to sea. Other than some clouds for the first day, the days were perfect. Sunny but not scorching, cool breezes but not chilly.

We arrived on Thursday, early afternoon. I had been told that we should be able to check in early but our room was not ready. Our hotel allowed us to go ahead and park and use their lobby bathroom. We headed straight to the beach....Mari and I playing while my mom took advantage of the afternoon to scour the coupon books.

Mari love love loves the beach. It is pure nirvana for her. From the sand to the salt water, she is completely content on the beach.
Beach, beach, beach. Finally at the beach!

Mari and her grandma hanging out on the balcony. We spent a lot of time on the balcony. So relaxing.

Me and Mari - she just can't help being silly sometimes

More silliness.....

Packed a backpack full of toys and all she wanted to play with was her baggie full of Squinkies. Guess I could have saved us some packing.

Did I mention that Mari is a little silly sometimes?

The view from our balcony....we stay next to Neptune park. Lots of activity but removed enough that it doesn't bother you. And the playground is nice, although she really wasn't interested in it much this year.

View in the other direction. We loved sitting on the balcony watching people. Beach-people watching is so much more fun than regular people watching. We saw some engagement pix being done, watched a wedding, watched a near-rescue by the lifeguards.

I usually take lots of sunrise pictures (which I did) but on Friday morning the skies were too overcast to see the sunrise. I was fascinated by the pools of light on the water from the little breaks in the clouds.

We were originally supposed to go on a pirate boat cruise on Friday morning but it got rescheduled (we were the only ones signed up that morning) and since it was cloudy, we headed to the Virginia Aquarium and Science Center.

Mari took this picture of me and my mom.

Hanging out with the turtles.

Shark food!

Mari was fascinated by the crocodiles (who would have guessed?). They were pretty spectacular. She was healthily intimidated by them but kept wanting to go back to see them. I think her face says it all. But she really did love them.

Back to the beach for a beautiful afternoon. The water was so rough this year because of the hurricane offshore. There were red flags up all weekend and the lifeguards were hyper-vigilant. I couldn't give Mari as much freedom as she wanted but she was happy just to be playing on the beach and getting into the shallow water with me.

One of the best things about our hotel was the restaurant downstairs. It was affordable and yummy. What's better than eating a big plate of steamed shrimp oceanside?

On Saturday morning we went to the Shriners parade (their convention was in town) and then walked the boardwalk back to our hotel. We found this little "park" between a couple hotels that had a bunch of hermit crab statues. This is as close to a hermit crab that Mari would get....I was all prepared to bring home a hermit crab this year for Mari to take care of. She wouldn't even look at them at the store....they completely freaked her out. Needless to say, no new pet in this house!

Back to the beach! Did I forget to mention that someone LOVES the beach?

Like really loves?

Found a fun little pizza place around the corner that served a little bit of everything....and gave kids a free frisbee as a plate (yeah, it's the little things that make a 4-yr-old happy!). But they had fantastic murals on the wall.

Then it was off on a pirate boat tour! We were so excited about this....it was to be the highlight of our vacation. It was fun and Mari had a good time but it wasn't everything I had hoped for. Part of the problem was that our original pick of the Friday 10am tour was cancelled and we had to go on the Saturday 5pm tour. It is a cruise geared for little kids....singing, dancing, games, face painting, etc. So it was disappointing to be on a boat with a bunch of drunk adults. And I was surprised that they were serving alcohol on a kid's cruise (especially since they do offer an adults only tour)....I'm guessing the 10am cruise would not have been so intoxicated. Mom and I both agreed we'd have probably left if we weren't in the middle of the ocean.

But Mari had a pretty good time. She was a little overwhelmed/scared by the appearance of Blackbeard (a guy in a motor boat that we got to shoot water cannons at) and she was so tired and hungry by the time that we were back to land that she was ready to get off. But she did get some good pirate gear!

Sunday morning was a beautiful morning....sad that we had to leave. I decided spontaneously (very unlike me!) to take Mari down to the beach in her PJs. I wanted to take some fun pictures in the brilliant light....she was just overjoyed about going to the beach in her PJs. She's still talking about going to the beach in her PJs almost 2 weeks later!

Although the picture above is one of my all-time favorites, the one below sums up our vacation. This chickadee LOVES the beach!

Earth-shaking start to Kindergarten!

2011-08-23T20:54:00.004-04:00

The first day of Kindergarten is now tucked away in our memories. It went very well (except that part about the massive earthquake we had in the middle of the first day of school!).

Mari has been so super excited about Kindergarten. I think it confused her at first when we made the decision to start a year early because I had always told her she had to be 5 to start K. But after a couple "practice" days in her K class, she was more than ready to hop right in and could care less if she was the youngest in the class.

We keep a calendar on the wall to mark off the days and help us keep track of upcoming events (so when she asks me 100 times when we are going to the beach, I can tell her to go count the days). Here she is posing with her calendar....the schoolhouse sticker doesn't stick as well because school was originally supposed to start after Labor Day but they decided to move it forward 2 weeks (so I had to move the sticker!). This worked out great for us because it shortened the wait time (she was SO excited) and also alleviated the problem of our beach trip interfering with the start of school.
I'm guessing this will be the first in a series of pictures....hopefully, I will do this every year!

Doesn't she look super grown up?? I almost lost it here. I did okay with taking her this morning. I had a huge meltdown last week so I was better able to handle my emotions today. I had to drop her off in the K classroom on Thursday because we beat her preschool teacher to school. This is not too unusual but when I saw her name on her seat and that the classroom was ready for her, I lost it! She saw her name on the table and was said "Do I start today, Mommy?!?!" And I said "NO!!!!" I wasn't ready. But I'm glad I got those emotions out of the way early.

Cannot believe that my little fairy-hater, superhero-lover picked out a Princess backpack!

Puh-lease Mommy, stop taking pictures and take me to school!!

I made her take one last picture outside of school. She was being silly by that point and was pretending she was a pirate...."Argh, Matey!"

When we walked into school, she suddenly became shy and attached herself to my leg. But once we got into her class she saw a couple of friends that had taken the summer off and she was thrilled to see them again. And her best friend was dressed almost identically to her (same plaid, but in shorts and exact same polo shirt) and she nearly knocked Mari down hugging her. They kind of did that hugging/jumping thing, ran out of the classroom to give their preschool teacher a hug and then ran back in. I got a "Bye Mom, I love you!" and I was back in the car kind of feeling breathless.

Luckily, I had a busy morning at work to keep my mind off of the day and I had just slowed down and was starting to feel a little teary when the whole world started shaking. EARTHQUAKE!!! It was surreal. We were just kind of sitting there looking at each other, afraid to ask one another if they had felt anything. It was a 5.8 centered about 70 miles from us. It was scary given that I work on the second floor of a 3 story building. I was worried about being the middle part of a sandwich. It was all I could do to finish working the next 90 minutes before school let out.

It was all okay in the end. Everyone was safe and no damage. And Mari didn't seem to care about the earthquake.

She had a great day at school. She said it was "WAY easy" and that she did pretty good with listening but maybe not so good with staying in her seat. Which is exactly how I knew her day would go.

Ready or not, Here We Go to Kindergarten!

2011-08-16T14:59:00.004-04:00

Haven’t blogged in awhile. We’ve been busy this summer and working on some decisions about the upcoming school year that I didn’t want to share on here. I purposefully didn’t share what was going on because I know there are strong opinions on both sides of the picture and it was a decision that I needed to make myself without any outside input. Finally reached a decision and I’m feeling really good about it.

Our big decision is to send Mari to Kindergarten this year. She will one day shy of 4 years and 5 months old. I originally blew off our pediatrician’s suggestion to petition the school system for early entry. I felt comfortable with where we at and what we were doing. Then, in the course of some general playtime, I discovered that Mari knew how to add – actually, when I asked her if she knew what math was, she sat down and wrote herself a worksheet of addition problems complete with + and = signs and then solved them. I was speechless. I showed her how to subtract and she caught on to that like wildfire. Coupled with the fact that she was moving through her reading levels at school at a quick rate, I began to research just what is necessary to be “Kindergarten ready”.

There is a lot of controversy surrounding K starting age and there are people with all kind of opinions regarding it. What I’ve found through my research (and asking people that I trust) is that it is a very individual thing. Most people will say that being the youngest in your grade is a disadvantage except that everyone that I’ve spoken with that started early (before age deadlines were strict) said it really wasn’t a big deal. There is also a movement over the last decade supporting holding children back until they are six. But new studies are showing that this doesn’t necessarily help children unless there is a specific delay. It’s a pretty mixed bag….what it all boils down to is the individual child and their needs.

Some of the things that qualify a child to be “Kindergarten ready” really surprised me. I guess from the standpoint that I was surprised that most kids aren’t ready to do them by Kindergarten. But then again, my child has been in daycare/preschool for over 3 years now and the school she is at now is very structured. I’ll explain more about our choice of schools in the next post but I’ll just mention that the current class she is in for preK is more structured than the public K and even 1st grade that I visited.

Some of the things that deem a child as Kindergarten ready include: able to stand/walk in line of children, able to be a line leader, able to sit for periods of 15 minutes to listen to a story or do seat work, able to change activities with minimal redirection, able to follow 2-3 step instructions, able to feed oneself, able to handle bathroom activities themselves. None of these should be a problem. Mari does tend to be a jumping bean when it comes to sitting for activities but only if she’s bored…if she has something to focus on, she is fine.

As for the academic readiness, that’s a whole different ball of wax. Things that are considered K-ready include:
*Recognizing and writing first name - she can do her whole name as well as most of her friends and teachers
*Counting objects to 20 – She can count to 138 (the highest I’ve listened to), she can count to 100 by 2s, she can write all her numbers up to 100 if called out randomly, she can add and subtract as long as she has enough fingers and toes for the problem.
*Recognizing basic colors – She’s known her colors since she was 18 months old.
*Recognizing and drawing basic shapes – Not a problem.
*Recognizing some letters and their sounds – She can read most Level 1 books and has short and long vowels down. She’s pretty good at sounding out words phonetically when trying to write them. (Like she wrote Perry the Platypus as "Paree the Platdepos".)

Sooo…..we went and had her evaluated at the public school (again, more on school choice later) and they assessed her to be at a high level of K/going into 1st grade level. The reading specialist said (and I quote) “She read better than any of the incoming Kindergarteners I’ve assessed this year, she’s way ahead of most of them.” That was 3 months and several reading levels ago.

I’ve had to question my motivation for placing Mari in K early. It comes down to keeping her happy and motivated. She LOVE LOVE LOVES doing schoolwork and worksheets; she will turn off the TV (her love) to do math problems. We read together all the time and the worst punishment I can give her is to take away evening book time. I come from the background of being one of the smartest kids in my class – never having enough to keep me busy or challenged, always being the outcast for ruining the curve or always getting the best grades. I don’t really want Mari to be in that position. She’s still going to be super smart even if we start her early but I want her to have to work and stay focused. You can already see the difference in her behavior when she’s bored vs. keeping her mind busy.

Is she ready to climb on a school bus and ride 45 minutes to elementary school, stay focused in a class of 20-25 kids, stay safe in a school of several hundred, ride the bus home 45 minutes? No! But is she mature enough to handle a small Kindergarten class with kids she already knows and a teacher she already loves, using a curriculum that has already proven to be outstanding? Yes!

So we start Kindergarten in less than one week. Help!

When I grow up....

2011-06-07T21:47:00.003-04:00

Mari: Mommy, I decided I don't wanna be a nurse when I'm bigger. I wanna be a firefighter.

Me: That's cool, Mari. You can be whatever you want to be. A firefighter is a very brave thing to be.

Mari: Brave? Why is it brave?

Me: It takes a very brave person to fight fires.

Mari: FIRE? I don't like fire!! I'm not getting near any fires!!!!!

Me: (silence)

She's rendered me speechless again.

Say WHAT??

2011-04-25T18:42:00.003-04:00

**Make sure to read this out loud, really fast, really loud, and very high-pitched.**

"Mommy? Remember when B came to my birthday but it wasn't my birthday it was America's birthday and there was a parade and fireworks but they were scary fireworks and I don't like those but if I stand up those fireworks are okay if I have a flashlight and I used my flashlight when it was thundering and we had to go to the closet if it got bad but it didn't get bad so we didn't get in the closet and I was sad because I wanted to use my flashlight that I got at the arcade when we went with Daniel when we went swimming but it was plain old swimming not the waterpark even though the arcade was at the waterpark and Daniel wore his Spiderman swim stuff like the Spiderman puzzle I have that Alyce helped me put together on that day I went to work with you because there was no school because it was Easter even though it wasn't really Easter yet even though we did our Easter Party at school but then we had to wait a long time until it was really Easter to go to church at Lydia's church not Lydia-at-school but Lydia-my-neighbor that I go to ballet with when we get McDonalds and have a picnic and watch softball and then go to ballet and I have to be careful not to get grass stains on my ballet tights cause ballerinas don't have grass on their tights and Lydia got to be the line leader and we had an egg hunt at her church and then we came home and the Easter Bunny hid eggs in my yard while I took a nap and then Madi came over and helped me find the eggs but Aly didn't cause she's just a baby and I sang her a song to keep her happy and then everybody went home and I was really sad?"

Breathe.

"Do you remember that, Mommy?"

Ummm.....what was the question??

4 is so much better than 3!!

2011-04-20T20:24:00.003-04:00

I know I'm long overdue for a regular old update. Mari turned 4 a few weeks ago and I just haven't had time or energy to update. We had Influenza during our birthday weeks (we are 10 days apart) and then Mari had a streak of really horrible behavior, complicated by some health issues on my end that were leaving me worried and drained......anywhoo. Moving on.

So I'll have to do a separate post on Mari's birthday. I think I still owe you posts on Halloween, Christmas, etc etc etc. Um, yeah.... Sorry!

But this update is just a Mari update.

Brains:
I don't know where to start with this one. Mari can read! I'm talking, really really read. She is only behind one other kid in her class on the reading chart (and most of the kids are going into K this year) and she is miles ahead of most in her class. I knew she was doing great but when I took time to look at the chart in her classroom, I didn't realize that she was doing THAT well. She has finished her set of 10 preschool books and is now in book #4 (of 8) in her K books. She can read most Level 1 I-Can-Read books with only a little assistance on some odd words. It has been amazing to watch this process. She gets SO excited when she reads, I love to see her so proud of herself.

She has also come a long way with her writing....she very rarely gets any letters backwards and is even starting to be legible in cursive (I still am not sure how I feel about preschoolers learning cursive but it doesn't seem to hurt her). She can count easily to 100 (and count, not just recite) and recognizes most of those numbers. When she writes her numbers, she does very well until she gets to about 14 and then she starts writing them backwards (15=51, 16=61, etc).

She can draw circles, squares, and triangles (her pediatrician acted like triangles were a big deal??) She love love loves doing dot-to-dot puzzles and she has a new book of "spot the differences". She has been waking up early in the morning (like around 5!) and I'll find her sitting on the couch with a pencil in her hand and a workbook open "doing her homework."

I love my little nerd.

I had thought about asking to place her in Kindergarten this year. She's at a private Christian school that goes up to 6th grade. Her pediatrician also suggested that I petition the public school to let her in this year because she is going to be so bored. I'm still deciding whether to talk to the public schools or not (about where she will fit next year) but I think I'm going to leave her where she is at. She LOVES her teachers now and she has never had the same teacher for more than a few months. I'd love to give her the stability of keeping those teachers for another year. They will continue to progress her at her own pace, so I don't have to worry about her slowing down this year. Also, while I like her being with older kids to challenge her, I think she's at a point where she is self-motivated enough that I want to give her the advantage of not being the youngest in the class anymore. So we will see where this year leads us.....

Activities:
Mari started ballet class a few weeks ago. I found an 8 week class for a very very good price that is held at a local elementary school. I thought she'd enjoy it but didn't have high expectations because gymnastics was a disaster (which surprised me because of her acute case of "bouncitis"). I have been shocked! She LOVES it. It is the highlight of her week. She asks every morning if it's ballet day. She practices every night what she's learned and checks on her leotard and shoes constantly. She focuses in class and tries so hard. We are already exploring options for a more permanent ballet class!

Some of my coworkers got Mari a guitar and a microphone for her birthday. The entertainment level in our house went to a whole new level. Mari stages large-scale concerts in our living room, complete with an audience of stuffed animals. Sometimes it's songs she knows, sometimes she makes them up as she goes, sometimes we hook the MP3 into the mike amp to do karaoke, and sometimes she tells stories with different voices and sound effects. She is a real ham.

Behavior:
I've been told that 4 is so much better than 3. I was in serious doubt the first couple weeks but now I'm getting a sense of new confidence and a whole new level of cooperation. First, Mari has actually stopped herself in the middle of tantrums a couple of times and told herself to calm down!!!!!! She is able to reason through situations when I ask her what the consequences will be depending on which action she chooses....it took a lot of effort on my part to instill in her the fact that Mommy WILL follow through with the consequences. That involved missing a movie with friends one time and missing a playdate (among other smaller things). She now knows that I stick to my guns and she is testing me so much less these days.

Just in the past week we've done the following: planted some plants, made candy sushi, made chocolate chip cookies, stomped in rain puddles, watched movies together, had 2 picnics, watched a softball game, she's had an Easter party at school, she's getting ready to have a taco party at school......it's just been a week of happiness all around.

And she learned to snap her fingers this morning. SNAP!

Storm Chasers we are not....

2011-04-16T18:35:00.008-04:00

With severe weather in our area, and me being an absolute wreck when there is even a hint of bad weather coming, we prepared to spend our Saturday indoors. I had planned for us to just stay in our PJs all day and laze about listening to the torrential downpours. Unfortunately, a tornado watch was issued during naptime and quickly changed to multiple tornado watches all around us. We tried to stay busy in order to not freak out. In the end, there were possible tornados that touched down way too close to my house for comfort (but thankfully, no one was injured). Strangely, while we had some pretty good storms, they came nowhere close to some of the intense storms we've experienced before, so I'm a little freaked out that it got so bad so close. Yikes!

Here's how we passed our day....

First, Mari decided that she would pack her backpack for Kindergarten and sit at the window, doing some songwriting, while waiting on the bus. I didn't have the heart to tell her that it will be 16 more months before that school bus comes.... Mari's been asking to grow something for weeks, so I bought some supplies and we got busy planting a little indoor garden. She took her job very seriously. I tried to pick things that could be "started" indoors (not that we'll ever make it to transplanting them) and that wouldn't take too long to sprout. Most of these should start sprouting in 7-14 days....hopefully, she won't lose interest by then. We planted peas, cat grass, impatiens, marigolds, and "mixed-up" flowers.

Our little garden....I put them in bins to make it easy to move them out of the cats' reach when we are not home.

After doing some planting, Mari decided she needed to do some watercolors...which kept her occupied just long enough for me to clean up the planting mess.

At snack time, she asked me for a fruit rollup, so I decided to try out a new project that I saw online.

Amazing what you can do with a fruit rollup, a rice krispy treat, and some gummies.....candy sushi!! Let's just say, I found them more fun to make than to eat. Mari enjoyed them though! Back out to check on the plants for the 500th time.....nothing growing yet. And it's been almost 2 hours!!! Sigh. Spent a little time playing with Mommy's Nook....reading Nat Geo for Little Kids. Watched a little TV with the company of a best buddy. And all this before suppertime. Still rumbling outside. This could be a long storm season.

We are so lucky......

2011-03-10T21:16:00.003-05:00

Over and over again, I hear how lucky my daughter is. How fortunate she is to be with me. How much better her life is here as opposed to there. She has been rescued. Saved.

Telling the people that voice these platitudes that I am the lucky one, that I’m the one that needed saving, that I’ve been rescued is usually met by blank, ignorant smiles. They accept this as something nice I’ve said, but they don’t get it. They don’t realize that my child is not the lucky one. That she is not necessarily better off here as opposed to there.

She hurts. Aches. Grieves. Suffers. She is confused, I feel guilty.

Sadly, I was completely unprepared for my adoption. Even worse, I was completely ignorant of this fact. I knew how to take care of a child, meet their basic needs (okay, my parenting skills of a preschooler could use some serious work!). I had lots of education in transracial and transcultural adoption. I read a little bit on attachment as it related to infants, I read a lot on the integration of an internationally adopted child into a new family. I thought I was prepared.

Until the grief hit. I wasn’t prepared for my almost-4 year old to suddenly wake up to her reality.

How can a child that was brought home at 9 months remember anything? You have to remember something in order to grieve its loss, right? You can’t miss what you’ve never had, right?

But what if you missed learning basic human interactions? Why do they put newborn babies right on the mother’s chest and encourage immediate breast-feeding? If that is so important, then how can you dismiss the longterm effects a child will experience from not attaching to anyone? How can you say that a child was too young (at 9 months of age) to be affected by the turmoil of adoption?

Yes, I just said adoption and turmoil in the same sentence.

My daughter was born. She had a mother and a sister. At around 3 months old, a time when most infants are starting to connect with the main caretakers in their lives, she was taken to an orphanage. She remained there 3 months….she was in a small room with only a few babies and a sweet grandmother of a nanny. When she reached the impressionable age of 6 months, when most babies are interacting and seeking attention from those they love, she was moved to a transition home. She remained at this transition home for 3 months, in a room full of infants with several nannies running around busily. At 9 months of age, a complete stranger showed up and whisked her away. To a new climate. A new language. New air to breathe (if you’ve ever been to Ethiopia - you know the air there is VERY different). New people. New routines. New tastes. New smells. New sounds. New emotions.

4 living situations, 4 “families”, 4 completely different environments in 9 months. 9 months in which she should have been learning who her family was. She should have been learning how to make lasting, trusting relationships. She should have felt unconditional love. She should never have known hunger or cold or fear or loneliness or anxiety.

But in those 9 months of life, she learned far more than most. She learned survival. She learned she didn’t need love. She learned to trust only herself. She learned that if she wanted attention, she had to initiate it. She learned that she existed for herself and no one else.

Will she remember these times? No. Do they still affect her? Yes, daily. Will they always affect her? They shape who she is and will become.

We are learning to let go of a lot of these things. I say we because she, while being very emotionally mature, is also very emotionally immature and needs help and guidance. She’s felt things we adults can never begin to imagine but she did not have anyone to teach her appropriate responses to emotions in the beginning…she is still learning how to deal with her feelings. She is giving up her independence….a tough balancing act for a strong-willed, spunky almost-4 year old. She is learning to trust me, that I will always love her - even when I’m angry, disappointed, or just plain grumpy. She is learning that she does not have to be the center of attention in order to be loved. She is, quite simply, learning what unconditional love is…..and testing it to the very limit to make sure it sticks.

We are also learning to grieve. Mari is sad and angry. It is very easy to blame myself for this and feel guilty. I question the choices I’ve made and the ways I’ve handled things as being the source of her deep-rooted confusion. But it’s becoming quite obvious that we are going through a grieving process right now. 3 years after the fact may seem like a long time but we’ve just now reached a new level of comprehension. Mari is learning how families start, how families live, how families interact, how families love. She is just now learning that hers is different than most. It’s with this newfound understanding that she is beginning to realize what she has doesn't have.

We celebrate her family in Ethiopia. Her mother and sister. We’ve talked about them from Day 1. I call her birthmother Mama H, as if that’s her name. I don’t say your mother or your birthmother or your first mother anymore…..it’s too confusing. We say Mama H, just as we would say Grandma or Auntie, etc. We talk about her birth story in very simplistic terms, leaving emotions out of it and focusing on physical things like lack of food and shelter. We talk about how I came to find her and that Mama H was happy to see me, how we gave a stuffed toy to her sister to remember us. We have pictures up in our house and light candles on special days.

It’s only beginning to settle into her little brain. Why is my sister in Ethiopia, Mommy? Is she hungry too? Did you take her food? Does she go to school like me? Do I have to go back to Ethiopia? Can I go back to Ethiopia?

We talk, we cry, we hold each other.

Recently, the anger and sadness in Mari has escalated drastically. I had a feeling that it was adoption related as her behavior was very rejecting and hurtful towards me (this is her defense mechanism…she puts up a wall to protect herself….she can’t lose what she doesn’t love, right?). Finally it all hit a boiling point and one night she asked me “Why didn’t God give me a daddy?” I was starting to make supper and I could tell by the way she was asking (in the middle of quiet sobbing) that this was a turning point. I stopped everything and turned off burners and scooped her up. I explained, again, how I was not married so she did not have a dad. I explained that we did not know anything about a dad in Ethiopia, I was honest and brief.

And then she asked, “Why doesn’t anyone love me enough to be my daddy?”

We sobbed together for a long time (I’m crying as I type this and it’s been over a week). She was so sad and so angry because she didn’t have a daddy. And she thought she was the reason.

I’ve known for a long time that she wants a dad. What child of a single mom doesn’t dream about having a dad? But I never would have guessed that she felt it was her fault. We are still learning. And these lessons in life come neither easily nor painlessly.

Don‘t try to tell me that an infant is too young to know loss.
Don’t try to tell me that my child is lucky.

How many 3 year olds cry because they want to see their sister that they don’t remember?
How many 3 years olds cry because God didn't give them a daddy?
How many 3 years old are that lucky?

The Magic Bed

2011-01-29T09:21:00.008-05:00

We've all heard the adage, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." But....when something breaks, fixing it sometimes just doesn't cut the mustard. Sometimes you have to completely scrap everything you know and start all over.

One of the easiest things about parenthood for me has always been bedtimes. Mari has always been a rockstar sleeper. Other than occasionally whining because she would rather play than take a nap or that she wanted to stay up longer, she has always gone to nap and bed without a fuss, without getting up, and would sleep all night. Sure, she is a super early riser and there have been episodes throughout the last 3 years (usually when she was making some big developmental leaps) where she would have trouble with sleeping the whole night. But, honestly, we have absolutely coasted by. Until now.

Bedtime broke.

I'm not even sure when it happened. I really began feeling the stress of it between Thanksgiving and Christmas but I think it was well before that when it started. Probably back around September, maybe? I remember dealing with some behavior issues after our beach trip but between that throwing our schedule all off and the fact that she moved into a new, more advanced class at school, I took this lapse in stride.

Back around Thanksgiving, we were really revving it up with fighting going to bed and getting up in the middle of the night (usually multiple times) and really fighting about going back to bed.

One thing that Mari really enjoyed was being able to stay up and read for a little while. So I moved her bookcase and lamp next to her bed and she would get 10 minutes of reading time after I read her stories. I also gave her permission to turn her lamp back on and read in the middle of the night if she woke up and couldn't go back to sleep (this was my mom's suggestion). It worked, she stopped getting out of bed in the middle of the night shortly after Thanksgiving and I don't think she ever actually took advantage of the middle-of-the-night reading session. Unfortunately, the novelty of being able to read in bed by herself wore off very quickly too.

I started toying with the idea to move Mari up to a bigger bed around Christmastime (as you can see, her bed was a little crowded). The only time the guest bed is used is for company maybe 1-2 times a year....and the guest bed is used by me as I usually give my guests the master bed/bath. So I figured, I could move the full bed into her room and then just bunk with her when we had guests. When I offered her a bigger bed, I was super surprised when she flat out refused, saying she didn't want a new bed cause hers "was a perfect fit."
Bedtimes started getting harder and harder. We tried rewards, we tried threats, we tried the old "put the kid back to bed but completely ignore her because she just wants attention" method, Santa Claus sent her messages to stay in bed, she got some of her Christmas toys taken away, she had TV taken away. It became a huge battle. Most nights she ended up finally crashing at around 9:30-10:00 when, before, she could never make it past 8:30.

Several weeks of this really wears on your nerves. When you are a single parent you really need those couple hours after your child's bedtime to regroup and recharge. It was something that I had really taken for granted - 2+ hours of peace to finish cleaning, prepare for the next day, watch TV, relax with a book. I was not getting any of this and coupled with the fact that we were fighting about bedtime, we started fighting about everything.

Bedtime Broke!

Specifically the things that were broke:

#1. We were no longer reading before bedtime - Mari has just gotten too big for sitting with me in the rocking chair to read and it was not relaxing to sit on the floor by her bed and read. So we'd pretty much stopped.

#2. Our bedtime routine of "I Love You"s and kisses/hugs was nonexistent because she started throwing a fit as soon as we headed to her room.

#3. It had become a big game for her to try to "sneak" out of her room as many times as she could.

So we needed something new. After some discussion with some of the greatest friends in the world (have I ever mentioned how much I love the people that adoption has brought into my life? WOW!), I came up with a new game plan. I decided not to give Mari a choice about moving up to a big bed. I'm trying to reorganize the house and a huge part of that plan was giving her the guest room bed. It was suggested that, if this was going to be a definite change in the future, then I should go ahead and do it - no point in fixing bedtime and then trying to throw in a new bed. When I re-proposed the idea to Mari, it turns out that she was only worried about keeping her favorite blankets, NO PROBLEM!

Operation Save Bedtime

We moved out Mari's toddler bed and moved the big bed into her room. She loved "helping" me and was really excited to get to pick a set of "Mommy's sheets" to put on her bed. I explained what a big girl she was and how exciting it was going to be to have a big bed.

The first night, I was able to crawl up next to her and read her a bunch of books right there in bed. Then we also worked to fix problem #2 (the hugs/kisses) by taking another mom's suggestion of instituting a snuggle time. I set a timer for 5 minutes and laid with Mari and we talked & talked & talked & talked. (Turns out 5 minutes is not long enough for her to wind down and relax, so we upped it to 10 minutes after that!)

The first night, she snuck out of bed almost immediately but as soon as she made eye contact with me, she hightailed it back to bed. I said nothing and I didn't see her again! Around 4am, she came running into my room with a big grin on her face "I did it, Mommy! I stayed in bed all night!!" Um....not quite. But since she let me put her back to bed without a fuss and went back to sleep, I gave her a freebie on that!

Since it is still dark out when we get up (6am), she really can't tell whether it is morning or not when she wakes up. So I found her "OK to Wake" alarm clock that we had bought awhile ago and set it for her. It glows a soft green when it's okay for her to be up. It never worked before but I guess now she's old enough to "get it" - she has not gotten up once before the green glow appeared since we started this. She will often come in my room at 6:00 to tell me that her light "finally" turned green!

After a couple nights of good bedtimes, we went to Target and picked out new bed linens. My only stipulation was that she picked something that already matched the walls and curtains because I really wasn't ready to redo her whole room. I was very happy with what she picked out and with a Christmas gift card I'd gotten, we did her complete room makeover for $17!!

She was pretty happy with the results! So was I!

And even with all the changes, she continued to do a great job. Just moving the bed to a new location in her room would have been enough to put her knickers in a twist before but she really is growing up.

I promised Mari that if she stayed in bed for 10 nights, she could have a sleepover with her cousin Madi. As soon as she heard that, she started saving a space for Madi in her bed. She did 10 out of 11 nights!!!!!

The grand reward: SLEEPOVER!!

So, bedtime is fixed. I was worried that, after the sleepover, there would be no motivation for her continue trying but she is doing well. She is back to earning coins (plastic gold coins she keeps in a treasure chest) for good behavior and doing chores. She gets a coin every night she stays in bed and, added to her chores/good behavior coins, she was able to save up and buy a movie for herself last night. After almost 3 weeks, there have only been 2 nights that she did not earn a coin - for a 3-yr-old with a broken bedtime, I'd call that FANTASTIC!

The best part of it...instead of dreading bedtime, I now look forward to it. I've always loved reading to her and now I can do it comfortably. And the snuggle time is the best. It's our favorite part of the day and after Mari talks my ear off for a couple minutes, she settles down and it's usually a struggle for her to stay awake until Mommy leaves the room.

Ahhhhh........

Snow Day, NOT!

2011-01-27T20:18:00.009-05:00

Yesterday afternoon and evening, we got 9 inches of snow dumped on us. Luckily we were able to leave work early enough to avoid the horrible mess that was caused by a predicted, yet rather ferocious, thunder-snowstorm. Work opened at 10 o'clock this morning, daycare was opening at 9, snowblower man (my awesome neighbor) came around 8 - other than having to drive on some pretty dangerous roads, things were working out okay.

So, I checked the news station that best keeps up with school closings around 8:45 just to double check before final preparations to leave the house. Mari and I bundled up and set out around 9 for our typical white-knuckle drive out of our neighborhood. I can usually breathe a sigh of relief once we get to the main roads, but not today. It was an unpleasant ride the whole way.

Now, let me stop here and say that I only live a couple miles from my job and can get there in about 2-3 minutes in normal conditions but daycare is a few miles out of the way (still only takes about 10 minutes each way).

Anyway, back to my story....we arrived at daycare around 9:30 and the parking lot was clean and the sidewalks nicely shovelled. I thought it was a little strange that no cars were in the parking lot but I figured that no one was currently dropping off kids. We went to the "big building" (Mari's class is in the building with the grade school - which was out because they follow the same cancellation as the county schools) and it was locked and dark. I wasn't really surprised because when the "big" school is closed, often Mari's class goes down to the daycare building for part or all of the day. So I drove down there. It wasn't until I got out and tried the dark, locked door that I realized that the parking lot would not be empty if there were any teachers there. Duh!

So I called my mom to check the closings again on the computer, thinking maybe they had pushed back to open at 10. Nope. Closed. Boo. (And very unusual)

At that point, I was left with 3 options:
1. Go home and miss work. I really didn't want to miss work (or use up my time off) plus the drive back to my house was going to be bad (the return trip is mostly uphill).
2. Go home and call my neighbor to see if they could keep Mari. Again, I'd have to drive home in the nastiness and then drive back to work...a trip that would normally take less than 20 minutes but would be at least an hour today.
3. Or just take Mari to work. I wasn't feeling really good about that option but since work is basically on the way home (a little out of the way but on decent roads).....

So I picked option #3. While taking Mari to work was the lesser of the three evils, it was not without its risks (I work in a doctor's office). On the way there, we discussed leaving the patients alone, being quiet, listening well, staying at Mommy's desk, etc. Luckily, I had a couple preschool activity books in the car, Mari had Raffey, and I had packed her lunchbox well. I was still pretty apprehensive because I knew it was going to be a long day of "staying on top" of her.

So, she totally showed me up. She was awesome. She sat at my desk most of the day; did her activity sheets, drew pictures, played with my tape and highlighters and post-its, she watched Nick JR on my computer, she "helped" me with some paperwork.

She started getting wiggly around lunchtime but thought the walk to the cafeteria was awesome. She even did a quick rendition of "Stayin Alive" in the middle of the cafeteria. And she thought curly fries were a great addition to her lunch. On the way back from the cafeteria, we saw an old "friend" - one of the OR techs that had helped with her ear tubes. He's the "keeper of the teddy bears" and he talked to her for a few minutes and then disappeared for a moment, reappearing with a new teddy bear for her!

She got to help clean the fish bowls and put the beta fish back into their bowls. She got to eat chocolate cake that one of the docs had brought. She sang songs and talked to my coworkers. She made friends with our supply guy. She had an absolute blast.

Finally, about an hour before the day was over, she decided she wanted to lay down, but since we were winding down, we were able to leave the office a little early.

She fell asleep before we left the parking lot! By then the roads were completely clear.

I wouldn't want to do this every day. It was not a relaxing day, by any means. But I was very proud of Little Miss Diva for having a stellar day and really reigning herself in and behaving so well. I hope we're never stuck in another situation like this but I'm so glad that it turned out well. I was hoping for something less than a disaster and it turned out to be a fun day.

Back to normal tomorrow!

Happy Family Day!

2011-01-02T12:17:00.003-05:00

Happy Family Day!!

3 Years Together!

I love you, Amari Roza!!

Week 52 of 52 !!!!!!!!!!!

2010-12-31T22:24:00.003-05:00

Final week of the year!! I finished!!!! Woohoo!!!!

Week 52 of 52

2010: 12/24

Putting out gingerbread cookies for Santa. Mari was very much into the whole "Santa" thing this year. It was very magical.

2010: 12/25

Merry Christmas!

Mari asked Santa for an Iron Man mask.

She believes....

2010: 12/26

ZhuZhu pets are really popular with all members of the household!

2010: 12/27

This is pretty much what Mari wants to do every waking hour...she loves her Leapster Explorer. Unfortunately, she has had it taken away until her behavior improves.

2010: 12/28

In case you were wondering if that brownie pan advertised on TV works (the one that makes perfectly cut brownies straight out of the pan)....it works AWESOMELY!!

2010: 12/29

Hoping next year Mari will get a few more stuffed animals for Christmas, we don't seem to have enough!

2010: 12/30

Mickey has taken over the brownies.

2010: 12/31

The last day of the year. Turned out to be a nice one, weather-wise for us. We had a very pleasant time playing outside and getting some fresh air.
Done. Done. Done. Had fun but I miss regular blogging. Back to normal now.

Happy New Year!

Weeks 48, 49, 50, & 51 (GASP)

2010-12-28T21:27:00.010-05:00

Yes, I'm cramming 4 weeks into 1 post. Get over it! Trying to finish up the year - just one more week to go. I'll be glad when this project is over. While it's been fun, it has definitely hampered my motivation for writing real blog posts. I still owe you several real ones. Soon, I promise. I promise!

Week 48 of 52

2010: 11/26

Well, duh! The day after Thanksgiving - of course we put up the tree.

2010: 11/27

This was a hard decision between two pix.

Today Mari went to see her first movie in a theater (Tangled - LOVED it!) as part of a birthday party. I have a cute picture of her and her buddy wearing their 3D glasses. But I decided on this picture. Mari almost wouldn't go into the theater when she realized Santa was set up in the lobby. The birthday party was in a glassed-in room off the lobby, so she got to watch Santa interact with other kids and even got the courage to go up to him several times to talk at a distance. He was really patient and played it cool. By the time the movie was over, she was brave enough to go sit on his lap and ask him for an Iron Man mask. I love that she overcame her own fear and that the party/movie presented us with an opportunity to do this on her own terms.

2010: 11/28

Been having trouble with Mari waking up wide awake in the middle of the night. So I moved her bookcase and lamp close to her bed. She's now allowed to turn on the light and read in the middle of the night if she can't sleep. (It worked, she's not woken up to read yet!)

2010: 11/29

Think I've mentioned that I've had mouse problems. Mickey actually caught one. EEEK! This is him "coming down" off his adrenaline high!

2010: 11/30

Sammy cat loves being under the tree...unfortunately, he needs his nails trimmed.

2010: 12/01

When I put on my ribbon for World AIDS day, Mari insisted she needed one too. I told her if she was going to wear the ribbon, she had to know why. Her version = "my ribbon is to remember there are lots of sick kids and we don't want them to be sick anymore."

2010: 12/02

Mari's homework is getting harder. She is a rock star and amazes me every single day.

Week 49 of 52

2010: 12/03

Mari loves her Advent calendar!

2010: 12/04

Mari outgrew her baby blanket that she's taken to school for almost 3 years. When I told her we needed to replace it, she had an all-out meltdown. Her mood changed quickly when I told her she could pick the fabric for both the blanket and a new pillowcase. I'm very proud of my pillowcase - I did it totally just on a whim and even made a ruffle.

2010: 12/05

First snow of the season! I was down with strep throat but I got Mari dressed so she could play outside for a few minutes (I stayed inside and took pix from the door). You would have thought it snowed 2 feet from the way she acted.

2010: 12/06

Do you know how long it takes to wrap a present using little safety scissors and a 3-yr-old's help?

2010: 12/07

Mari wanted her hair done like Minnie Mouse.

I think we succeeded!

2010: 12/08

Mickey has taken to sleeping in Mari's room. She won't let him in her bed but she loves having him in there with her.

2010: 12/09

Mari has apparently taken note of me using a cold cloth on my head for headaches. She declared this morning that she had a headache and grabbed a wad of toilet paper for her aching head.

Week 50 of 51

2010: 12/10

Inside joke - got a pair of purple glasses in my stocking at work.

2010: 12/11

My Christmas gifts to Mari and my nieces...made the vests with personalized patches from Etsy, added patches to the hats, made bandanas, stick horses, and I landed a Christmas miracle by finding boots on clearance in all their sizes!

2010: 12/12

Making gingerbread cookies

2010: 12/13

Our annual Christmas card pose (except I never got around to doing cards!)

Wearing the red dress, sparkly shoes, and headband she was supposed to wear in her school play.

2010: 12/14

We had a lot of fun with our stockings at work this year. Unfortunately, I was naughty.

2010: 12/15

Mari's ornament for this year

2010: 12/16

Had an unexpected snow day, so we visited our neighbors. I love this pic with the snowball mid-flight!

Week 51 of 52

2010: 12/17

"Helping" me with the laundry

2010: 12/18

Mari and Madi - these two crack me up!

2010: 12/19

"Do not be afraid" - I don't think the angel counted on a 3-year-old playing "parade" with the nativity characters.

2010: 12/20

Mari wanted me to take a picture with her and Mickey (the world's most tolerant cat ever!)

2010: 12/21

Mari wearing her headband from her school play (which got cancelled cause so many kids were out sick)

~~2010~~ 2008: 12/22

No picture from this day, so I'll give you a flashback from 2 years ago.

2010: 12/23

Daycare was closed but I had to work, so Mari got to spend the morning with friends and the afternoon with Grandma. No nap, lots of play, Mommy late picking her up.....fell asleep with a marshmallow in her hand.........

Coming soon.....final week with Christmas pix, end of the year video. Following soon after....Christmas post, Family Day, and catchup!

Weeks 46 & 47 of 52

2010-11-26T16:00:00.005-05:00

Week 46 of 52

2010: 11/12

I bumped Mari up to the 2nd level on the LeapFrog ClickStart. She had so much more fun on it...I honestly think it's easier for her because it involves more keyboard and less mouse - the mouse on this computer is the pits. She does much better with using actual keys.

2010: 11/14

Mari was invited to a birthday party where they all got dressed up in fancy clothes and got makeup and nail polish, etc. This is her diva 'tude that she was doing so well when it was time to leave.

2010: 11/14

Someone can write their name. All by herself!

2010: 11/15

2010: 11/16

Have no clue what she was upset about but she was definitely not in a good mood!

2010: 11/17

Mini pumpkin pies for Mari's Thanksgiving party

2010: 11/18

It's no secret that Mari's very "spirited." One of the hardest things for her is to sit still even long enough to eat. Sitting still for anything is the only complaint I ever hear from her teachers. I've heard of using exercise balls for chairs before but it wasn't until I read an article in the newspaper about Mari's future elementary school being a pilot program for this that I decided to give it a try at home. Happy to say that Mari did not get up once during a 45 minute dinner. We're gonna keep this experiment going for as long as it works!

Week 47 of 52

2010: 11/19
Best $1 I ever spent - 8 pack of Christmas suncatchers at the dollar store. Kept her busy for over an hour - she was very serious about her work!

2010: 11/20

Any guesses what that look on her face means?

One piece of advice - always follow her to see what she's up to when she's got this look!

2010: 11/21

Cousin Madi came over to play and both girls immediately demanded to be fed macaroni & cheese. Whatever it takes to keep the 3-yr-olds happy!

2010: 11/22

Gave Mari's hair a wash - no good way to keep the yarn braids dry so I wrapped her head in a dishtowel and added a sleep cap for bed.

2010: 11/23

Mari decided to pile her toys up on the ever-tolerant Mickey. Found it comical that Lulu the Furreal cat looked like she was tackling Mickey.

2010: 11/24

First time Mari's ever had a piping bag in her hand. She did pretty well with it, no major messes. We made handprint turkey cookies.

2010: 11/25

Happy Thanksgiving!

Mari is getting very adept at helping in the kitchen. She loves making pumpkin pies...too bad she won't eat them!

Weeks 44 & 45 of 52

2010-11-17T17:53:00.005-05:00

Week 44 of 52

2010: 10/29

Almost done with the yarn braids....I promise a full post on them soon.

2010: 10/30
Trunk-or-Treat with Cousin Madi the Butterfly

2010: 10/31

Happy Halloween

Super Amari and her Super Amari-Mobile

2010: 11/01
Such a sweet, innocent face.

2010: 11/02
Mari was helping me organize the hair bands by colors. She did a great job sorting them and then we put them on a shower curtain ring to keep them contained.

2010: 11/03
Mari thought the cat looked cold.

2010: 11/04
Mari's yarn braids parted in the middle and then did a flat twist half-way back.

Week 45 of 52

2010: 11/05
Just another hair pic...holding up well and loving the yarn extensions.

2010: 11/06
I would like to thank Grandma for the box of 1000 craft sticks.

2010: 11/07
Mari paints "My Mommy"

2010: 11/08
"Untitled"

2010: 11/09
Proudly displaying her lion cutting project. She was upset when some of the kids in her class teased her that she couldn't cut yet. So we've been practicing with the help of a great book called "I Can Cut."

2010: 11/10
Falling asleep while reading. That's my girl!

2010: 11/11

Putting on a stage show with Kai-Lan

When the cashier can't move fast enough....

2010-11-07T20:40:00.003-05:00

Just trying to document some of the more ~~embarrassing~~ delightful conversations my child has.

Yesterday in Food Lion, in checkout line. Our items already on conveyor belt, young gentleman in line behind us buying a flat of sports drinks.

Amari: Is that a boy or a girl, Mommy? (this question comes up alot and I feel sick every time, luckily, this one was easy to answer - not always the case)
Me: He's a boy.

A: What's he doing?
M: Well, he's buying stuff just like we are.

A: What's he buying?
M: Well, it looks like he's buying some drinks.

A: Is he thirsty? (at this point, the man starts chuckling)
M: I guess so.

A: But he's not hungry?
M: I don't know, he probably has food at home, he just needed some drink.

A: Oh. Doesn't he like Coke?
M: Not everyone drinks Coke like Mommy, some people drink other stuff.

A: Why is he standing there?
M: He's waiting his turn, Mari.

A: Why is he looking at me, Mommy? (at this point, the man about loses his battle with controlling his laughter)
M: He's looking at you because you are talking about him. It's not polite to talk about people so he has every right to look at you.

A: Well, it's not polite to stare at people, either.

Just Think Happy Thoughts

2010-11-07T19:48:00.010-05:00

Mari insisted tonight that she wasn't sleepy enough for bedtime, so I told her to lay in bed and think happy thoughts. She asked me what happy thoughts were so ~~I started singing Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens~~ we started a question and answer session.

Me: Well, what do you like to do?
Amari: Play with Mommy.

M: I like to play with you, too. What else do you like to do?
A: Play basketball with my friends. (She's never played basketball in her life!)

M: Who's your favorite friend to play with?
A: Lydia.

M: Who is your favorite friend outside of school to play with?
A: I'm not telling, you have to guess....She starts with an A and she has black hair and her best friend is Mommy.
M: That sounds like YOU!
A: (giggle, giggle) It is ME!

M: You're a nut. What is your favorite food?
A: Pancakes, of course.
M: Oh, yeah.
A: With butter and lots of syrup.

M: What is your favorite treat?
A: Blue candy bars. (blue wrappers - specifically Crunch)

M: What's your favorite thing to watch on TV?
A: I'm not telling....It's a secret, maybe tomorrow.
M: I think it's Imagination Movers.
A: MOMMMY! It's supposed to be a secret and it's NOT Imagination Movers. It's Cookie Monster. (Yeah, she refuses to watch Sesame Street)

M: So what's your favorite book to read?
A: I'm not talking about that right now. It makes me sad. (She got her book-reading privileges taken away tonight for disobeying at bathtime)

M: What was your favorite Halloween costume?
A: Batman. He's my favorite.

M: Well, what's your favorite color?
A: Red and blue and green.
M: Those are good colors.
A: And yellow and purple and pink.
M: Well, that about covers it.
A: And brown and black and white.
M: I think you've hit them all.
A: Actually, it's orange. My favorite color is orange. Can I wear my pumpkin shirt to school tomorrow?

M: Good night, Mari. I think you have plenty of happy thoughts to help you get to sleep.
A: Mommy, what's a happy thought?

Weeks 42 & 43 of 52

2010-10-30T08:14:00.004-04:00

Another couple weeks done...been busy weeks getting ready for Halloween and just enjoying this time of year. I love living in the mountains during autumn...it is without a doubt a beautiful gift.

Week 42 of 52

2010: 10/15

Mickey has found a new favorite napping spot, he loves to jump up there after I've finished...nice and warm.

2010: 10/16

Annual trip to the pumpkin patch...I have more pix, I'll do them in a Halloween post. Mari actually rode the orange barrell train this year instead of freaking out...she has matured so much this year, come a long way in conquering her fears.

2010: 10/17

Mari has commandeered my Eeyore slippers.

2010: 10/18

I love this kid.

2010: 10/19

Mari wanted to practice cutting - something the kids in her new class can do and it really upset her that she was behind in this area, so we've been practicing.

Don't you love her hair here?

2010: 10/10

Sam and Mickey - rough life.

2010: 10/21

My nutso kiddo.

Week 43 of 52

2010: 10/22

Mari got to sleep in my bed for a few nights until we could investigate the attic over her room for scurrying critters (turns out it was just a heating tube expanding and contracting and scraping the floor - phew!).

2010: 10/23

The whole family went up on the mountains for an evening picnic and short hike to one of the mountain overlooks. It was a total coincidence that all 3 cousins had on half-zip fleeces....these 3 are so. much. fun. to see together. This picture totally makes me tear up (I have it as my desktop at work) - we posed them on the log but the facial expressions and interactions were just a continuation of the fun they were having playing in the leaves.

Next year there will be another cousin in this picture....shhhh.....

2010: 10/24

"Jack-O-Ween"

2010: 10/25

Loving this hairstyle, the diagonal parts really helped with some of the short pieces that we've damaged from overstyling.

2010: 10/26

Decided to try some yarn braids - if lucky, we will be able to get 4-6 weeks out of them. I'm a little worried about damaging the hair but they are supposed to do the opposite and actually protect the hair. Mari's hair needs a break from styling, so hopefully this will afford us some break time.

2010: 10/27

Still working on the braids. Mari is so AWESOME with getting her hair done, she doesn't mind a bit. Using this website for direction and tips.

2010: 10/28

Symbiotic relationship.

Stayed tuned....Halloween/Autumn post coming up soon. School post. Wedding post. Mari post. Hair post. Maybe I should do NaBloPoMo?

The child that I adopted is not my adopted child

2010-10-19T19:56:00.005-04:00

Adopted is a verb (past-tense in this case). Adopted is not an adjective. My daughter was adopted. But she is not my adopted daughter. Are you following me here? Or are you sitting there going “huh, say what”?

My daughter was adopted. She was born to another woman who made the unselfish decision to allow her own flesh and blood to be raised and loved by another. I adopted Mari. We will always celebrate this act. The start of our family is amazing and while there is truly grief associated with what Mari has lost, we will always celebrate that our family started through the action of adoption.

My daughter is not an adjective. She is not my adopted daughter. She is my daughter.

What’s the difference?

My daughter will be always shaped by the start of her life. She has suffered some incredible losses, many which she will not comprehend until much later in life and may never come to terms with. Emotions, attachments, friendships, familial relationships - all will be influenced by the fact that she was transplanted into a family and culture that were not originally hers. There is no changing the fact that she was adopted and that this action will contribute to the person she becomes.

But she is not an adopted person. She is a person. She is not solely defined by the fact that she was adopted. The action of adoption did not make her a better person than she would have been and it did not make her less of a person than she would have been. She is very special because she is my daughter, not because she’s my adopted daughter.

I absolutely celebrate adoption and think it is the most wonderful event that has happened in my life. But I refuse to let it define my child and how she is viewed. I’m tired of her being introduced as “Jill’s adopted daughter” (not to mention that it’s a little bit obvious). I’m worried that one day she will grow up and think that the only reason she is special is because she was adopted.

Mari is special because she is super-intelligent, hilarious, engaging, charming, determined, passionate, and just plain awesome. Adoption did not make her special; it does not define who she is. It is one small chapter of her story and one that she may look back on with a sense of loss of her identity or that she may chose to celebrate as a rebirth. But she is so much more than just an adopted child. She is a normal, amazing child who just happened to be adopted.

Weeks 38, 39, 40, 41 of 52

2010-10-17T19:10:00.013-04:00

Wow....don't think I've ever been a whole month behind. I've been saving pix, just haven't been taking the time to blog. There are so many posts I want to do....one about just us, one about the beautiful wedding we were in, one about our awesome vacation at the beach..... So, I'm going to try to keep up with the pix better so I can get back to regular blogging. This has been an interesting experiment doing this pic of the day.....I feel like there are a lot of little day-to-day stuff that I'd probably never have taken the time to write about. On the other hand, just the effort to keep up with the project has impacted my regular blogging for the worse. True, there have been more posts than normal but a lot less posts with any substance. Anywho.....

Week 38 of 52

2010: 09/17

Mari has discovered my old CD player. She is totally enthralled by it.

2010: 09/18

Mari has been asking for awhile to go on a boat ride with Uncle Todd - we were finally able to make this happen on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. Mari LOVED it!

2010: 09/19

Mastered the 5-strand braid! Love the way it looks and it's actually easier than a 4-strand braid. I think I'm at my dexterity-limit, though. And I've seen tutorials all the way up to 7 strands. I'm happy mastering up to 5!

2010: 09/20

I made a sweet little dress for Mari. I took home ec in eighth grade and I think I've made one thing since then. My mom used to make all my dresses (and all my doll's dresses) when I was a kid and I wanted to give it a try. I was very proud of myself!!

2010: 09/21

Sweet dreamer.

2010: 09/22

I find it amazing that Mari couldn't draw a smiley face just 2 months ago....she has come a long way. (And those are knee caps, BTW, just in case anyone needed to know)

2010: 09/23

This one is "Mari on a boat with Mr. Sun"

Week 39 of 52

2010: 09/24

Mari is "officially" 3.5 years old. She marked the milestone by being promoted to the Advanced Class at school....this is the class she'll be in until K (which is still 2 years away). She is so super smart, she blows me away - sometimes I forget she is only 3 and expect too much from her (but she reminds me quickly in her very much 3-year-old way!). I promised her SpiderMan stickers as her prize for moving up and she earned a tattoo from the machine at Wal-Mart for being a good shopper. Glad to finally find ~~a bribe~~ an incentive that only costs 25-50 cents.

2010: 09/25

"Mari and Mommy the Pirates" (hence the patches on our eyes)

2010: 09/26

Mari was putting on a puppet show with her animals. In this story (which I have on video), Mr. Moo eats Macaroni Penguin and then is reunited with his long-lost father, Goat.

2010: 09/27

Mari's first day in her new class. She was super excited....it was a huge adjustment. Major structure, major focus on education - but she did great.

2010: 09/28

I'm finding sewing to be very therapeutic and rewarding. I struggle with it because I'm not very visually adept, so piecing things together tends to lead to a lot of frustrations. I have to rip lots of seams out, restitch lots of things....but I still find it extremely enjoyable.

2010: 09/29
The castle that Mari built and wanted me to take a picture of....she was so proud of it, I let her leave it up all night instead of putting it away. It fell in the middle of the night and scared the holy smokes out of me!

2010: 09/30

Never good when your cats stand at full-alert for over 24 hours. Yes, we have mice. Yes, I'm completely grossily freaked out.

Week 40 of 52

2010: 10/01

Been having some gorgeous weather - Mari decided to give roller-skating another try.

2010: 10/02

We went to a local Oktoberfest celebration. Mari got to ride a little pony - she LOVED riding it, but freaked when they suggested she pet it on the head.

2010: 10/03

Trying out a new hairstyle....a veil pattern in a circular shape. Very cute and held up well.

2010: 10/04

I was trying to take a picture of this shirt (I was trying to describe the neckline to someone and thought a picture would explain it better) and Mari was being her silly self.

2010: 10/05

Happy Referral-versary!!!

2010: 10/06

Mis-Match Day at school. I think we did pretty good (please ignore the messy house in the background).

~~2010~~ 2009: 10/07

Yup, had to go back in the archives, didn't have a picture this day (ooops!). This is Mari trying on some hand-me-down costumes last year....she refused to wear a costume. This year she is SUPER excited about wearing one.

Week 41 of 52

2010: 10/08

Our dear friend, Heather, got married this weekend and Mari and I were both honored to be in her wedding. This is Mari hanging out waiting on the rehearsal to get started. She got to pull the ring bearer down the aisle in a wagon, so she was thrilled with her flower girl job!!

2010: 10/09

Heather and Charles got married on a gorgeous autumn day in an absolutely beautiful wedding. I'll do a post with more pix later but here's one of me and my stunning flower girl daughter.

2010: 10/10

Mari's unbelieveable curls, 24 hours after twisting them in. LOVE THEM!

2010: 10/11

Mari hair.....well, it's big. Time for a LONG overdue trim. She got one. I always trim it myself cause I don't trust anyone else. It looks so much healthier now.

~~2010~~ 2008: 10/12

Flashback a couple years. What a little cutie!!

2010: 10/13
When I put Mari to bed, there were only 2 stuffed animals in bed with her. Hmmmm....

2010: 10/14

Somewhere in here is a rocking Super Hero dress for Halloween. Hope I can find it!

Hope you enjoyed that LONG post!! Real posts coming soon.

The Day Time Stood Still

2010-10-05T20:11:00.003-04:00

Three years ago today, I received the most incredible phone call of my life. I waited for ~~eternity~~ 1/2 hour for an email to arrive. I remember clicking on the attached picture and turning away (I still had dial-up, *gasp*), waiting for the whole picture to pop on the screen, wanting to look at the whole picture all at once.

Then time stood still.......I gazed into those eyes forever.

October 5, 2007

I still gaze into those eyes, only now it's in person.

October 5, 2008

Those eyes are the most incredibly expressive eyes on the earth (helped out by a pair of amazingly expressive eyebrows)....so much emotion behind those chocolate gems.

October 5, 2009

I wish time stood still now....as you can see, it hasn't. As much as I'd love to just stop time again, I do love seeing this beautiful angel blossom and grow.

October 5, 2010

3 years. Wow!

Week 37 of 52

2010-09-29T20:12:00.004-04:00

We absolutely loved our beach vacation and I'll do a separate post (sometime) all about it with more pix and details. Something just so relaxing about the beach. Loved it! And loved that my mom was able to come along...it definitely takes some of the edge off to have an extra set of eyes and hands.

2010: 09/10

There is a really great story to this picture and I only wish I had it on video. Grandma decided she wanted to fill our 5 gallon bucket with water....having just assisted Mari with filling her little one, I knew that catching a wave caused a sudden, swift filling of a heavy bucket. I guess Grandma didn't realize this. When she bent down to catch the wave and fill the bucket, it pulled her over and into the water. Killed the cell phone in her pocket, soaked her, and provided me with a whole lot of laughter and ammo for teasing.

2010: 09/11

Happy New Year - Melkam Addis Amet

I wish that we could spend every Ethiopian New Year at the beach but I guess school will interfere with that in a couple of years. We had such a great time and Mari was so well-behaved. It helps to basically have no agenda and nowhere you need to be.

2010: 09/12

We really didn't want to leave the beach. So I guess it was only fitting to wake up to gray, rainy skies as we prepared to leave.
2010: 09/13
Mari LOVES the Nickelodeon Mega Music Fest special that was on recently...I DVRed it and we have watched it so much that she can recite the dialogue in between the songs (she is SO cute saying "hosted by Jon Leguizamo"). This is her face watching it....it never get old or dull for her!

2010: 09/14

Mari's newest obsession - the LiteBrite her grandparents got her for her birthday 6 months ago. She does amazingly well with putting the right colored pegs in the right places (R=red, Y=yellow, etc) but she has a little trouble with the actual dexterity of it. We are in the bathroom cause it's the only room dark enough to light it up (sorry! we don't do the picture in the bathroom, just take it in there to look at it!)

2010: 09/15

Mari had a really rough evening this night and pretty much cried herself to sleep. I went to check on her when I heard her settle down and found she had grabbed her baby picture off the bookshelf....she tends to cling to "baby" stuff when she's feeling out of sorts.

2010: 09/16
Mari's drawing of a bird on a nest of eggs....

Considering about 2 months ago I couldn't get her to draw a smiley face, I think she's doing pretty awesome!

Week 36 of 52

2010-09-28T18:56:00.003-04:00

I'm way far behind on blogging....oh well. Get over it! We've had some trials, we've had a vacation, we've had some transitions....just didn't make blogging a priority. Sorry. I'm going to try to play catchup.

2010: 09/03

Ahhh....lovely crusty cough.

2010: 09/04

Mickey decided he wanted to play with Mari's toys.
2010: 09/05
Such a cutie pie.

2010: 09/06

What a clown!

2010: 09/07

It took us a long time to get down to just one more day until BEACH!!

2010: 09/08

Mari counting her good behavior coins and cashing them in for beach money. 1 coin=25 cents. She had $10 to take to the beach!

2010: 09/09

No caption necessary.

BEACH

Week 35 of 52

2010-09-05T20:09:00.009-04:00

Can't believe we are into September and I'm still doing this. Wow! Ugh! It was another exciting week in our house (hahaha!). So, here ya go!

2010: 08/27

One leg out to cool off...those legs are getting so much longer lately.

2010: 08/28

Made a bunch of cookie dough logs to freeze.

And no, I did not take one out of the freezer and eat some of it raw...I would never do that. Ha!

2010: 08/29
Little Miss Abigail's second birthday party!!
Adorable in her ponytails!

2010: 08/30
Mari and Madi both got picked up by Grandma in the evening.
Here, they try to contain their excitement!
(They really were excited - they are just zoned out on TV in this picture)

2010: 08/31
Waiting on ice cream to become ice cream....yum!

2010: 09/01

Mr. Potato Head Party. Sorry if you weren't invited.

2010: 09/02

Elmo got evicted from Mari's bed for being too noisy (his push bottom in his hand is way too sensitive and he would talk everytime Mari moved at night).

So Mari decided Zoe needed to keep Elmo company.

And then she decided they both would be more "company" (comfy) with Raffey.

So sweet!

That's another week done! Hope your's was a good one!

Weeks 32, 33, 34 of 52 - Picture Overload

2010-08-27T22:44:00.011-04:00

I got a little behind on the picture posting...sorry about that (whoever out there even cares!). Life is busy and full and crazy and wonderful and trying and difficult and fun.

Week 32 of 52

2010: 08/06

Just a picture of the Ollie-dog. Used to be all my pix were of the dog...that changed about 2.5 years ago! 2010: 08/07

Skipped nap and passed out about the time I put dinner on the table. Typical.

2010: 08/08
The simple joys of water play.

2010: 08/09

Working on a 100+ piece puzzle...pure concentration.

2010: 08/10

This is a V-tech train/alphabet set Mari got for her 1st birthday (2 of the 20ish animals included). It still continues to be one of her favorite toys ever.

2010: 08/11

It was PJ and crazy hair day at school. While I wouldn't consider a 'fro to be a crazy hairdo, hers was definitely the biggest 'do at school.

2010: 08/12

Amari wrote her name! All by herself!!

Week 33 0f 52

2010: 08/13

Mari's first trip to the fair. She LOVED it! I was really surprised that she rode some rides and touched some animals.....positive peer pressure from Cousin Madi helped! 2010: 08/14

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz 2010: 08/15

Mari with her "Mari flies a kite" shirt.

2010: 08/16

Mari wanted a Kai-Lan hairstyle to go with her Kai-Lan shirt.

2010: 08/17

Made Mari an Advent Calendar using a mini muffin pan, foam squares, magnets, and lots of Christmas doo-dads. Can't wait to fill it with little prizes.

2010: 08/18

Totally zoned out on Little Bill. Totally zoned out.

2010: 08/19

The only brand of gummies I've found without the dreaded Yellow Lake #5.

Week 34 of 52

2010: 08/20
Mari is having so much fun playing with my camera these days. She snatched it from me and snatched a picture of her cousin Madi.

2010: 08/21

Made homemade poptarts with pie dough and preserves (I'm going to change icings next time - didn't like the icing recipe at all). 50 freezable poptarts for about $10.

2010: 08/22

Little Old Church Lady

2010: 08/23

Butterfly, Mariposa

2010: 08/24

Making kiwi puree in preparation for homemade fruit rollups.

This puree is incredible!!

2010: 08/25

Beautiful rainbow...picture does not do it justice. The colors were SO vivid and you could see the entire arc - plus a reflected rainbow above it.

2010: 08/26

Mari passed Little Book #2 (that's 2 in 2 weeks - wooohooo!). She can "read" several 2 letter combos without help and her first three letter word "Sam"!!!!

Here is her homework these days....she breezes through it in seconds.

Adios until next time!!

Is Your Family Complete?

2010-08-19T11:37:00.001-04:00

This is a video I made to promote adoption through our local orphan ministry. I want viewers to see different families and be able to identify with someone like themselves...Adoption IS special but you don't have to BE special to adopt.

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Where, oh where has my Mari gone?

2010-08-10T20:34:00.003-04:00

Mari has gone away...permanently, I think. She's been replaced by a much older, much more sophisticated Amari. That's Ah.Mar.Ee. Please note this.

I've been meaning to do a post lately about the way Amari is blossoming - another one of those developmental explosions, I guess. Today I think the explosion turned into all out glorious fireworks - beautiful, amazing, breath-taking, and always surprising.

So here's the low-down on my BIG girl. (Which BTW, she asked me tonight if I was growing down into a little girl since she was growing up into a big girl....I told her I'd meet her half-way!).

Eating - Sippy cups are gone. We have 1-2 we use for times of emergency (like strep throat last week) and we have lots of plastic cups with lids...but Mari likes a regular cup. No more booster seats....Mari sits at the table on her own, on her knees but that's fine (she actually seems less wiggly that way). Mari has also become a great help in the kitchen...she usually tells me what to cook for supper (after I ask her) and she's pretty good with ideas. She loves helping and can hand-roll pizza dough, spread sauce, and add toppings all on her own. She can also run the hand mixer by herself (as long as you watch her to make sure she doesn't try to stick a hand in the batter for a taste while the mixer is still running).
Stats - Mari has grown over an inch and a half since her birthday in March but she has stayed within 2 pounds for over a year....that means that she not only has a long graceful neck, but she sprouted legs too!
Potty-training - She's been completely potty-trained for over a year now (thank you!) but she's completely independent now except wiping for #2. I don't even go in the bathroom anymore or remind her to go. It's extremely nice. Extremely. Unfortunately, thanks to lots of outside time this summer, she's developed a fascination with peeing on the grass. Oh well. She's 3, no one cares.
Brains - not sure where to begin with this one. She BLOWS ME AWAY! She can count to 59 without any help and up to 100 with a little assistance (60, 70, 80, 90). She can also recognize these numbers. She has finished all her letters and even told me the other day to draw her a d.o.g. We are working hard on sounding out full words now (3-letter words). She passed her alphabet today at school (YAY!!!) - this means she knows capitals, lowercases, phonics, and can pick out words starting with that letter. She will be moving up into the Advanced Class at school because of this...this is the last class level before Kindergarten and we are still 2 years away from that! Holy Cow! She will now work on writing more....she can almost write her name now!
Physical stuff - physically, Mari has always been a little behind but I don't notice it much anymore. She has actually started throwing a ball fairly accurately (forget catching, though!). She loved swimming lessons but I was a little disappointed they didn't push her more....she always says "no" when asked if she wants to try something new but will usually do it if you insist (and then love it) - but they won't push the kids at this level. But after a few days of playing in our pool this week, Mari decided tonight to just duck under and swim (and yesterday she refused to put her face in the water!!). And she did it over and over and over again.

So that's my girl...not so little anymore. So sad but I'm a very proud Mommy. I've never taken time to do a full-out attachment post but the difference in Mari lately has been nothing short of a dream-come-true. She is super snuggly, she has actually slept with me several nights (we've never made it a whole night before, she usually can't sleep with someone else), she is very touchy-feely and just all-around wants to be hugged on and loved on. I'm definitely NOT complaining about having a velcro kid right now. At the same time, she's very independent. I sense a new confidence in her.

Funny things:

Mari calls parmesan cheese sprinkles - Pasketti and meatballs and sprinkles. Not going to correct that one, I love it.
Mari has decided that ambulances should be "Band-aid Trucks" - I'm okay with that too.
We stopped and saw my dad at work tonight and Mari was very worried that Grandma was home alone because Granddad was at work.
I told Mari tonight that Grandma was going to pick her up from school tomorrow and she said "Pretty Sweet" with a thumbs-up.
When Mari is being silly, I say "You're a nut." She now counters with "Well, you're a coconut."
When Mari's happy, she gives me a thumbs-up, I give her a thumbs-up, we touch thumbs and she say "Best Buddies, Mommy?" And I say "Best Buddies Forever.

Week 31 of 52 (or the week we'd rather forget)

2010-08-05T19:53:00.003-04:00

Actually getting a post up on time! Better mark that down. And I've decided to change the format and go from beginning of the week until end....it really does make more sense from a post-reading standpoint....if I were posting daily, they'd be posted with most recent on top but it doesn't make sense to post weekly and then document our weeks backwards. So, I'm changing it. Deal.

This week has definitely been a tough one...Mari got strep throat and got it pretty bad. The sore throat wasn't the bad part for her, it was the unrelenting high fever and general yuckiness. We had many nights of less-than-adequate sleep, lots of tears, lots of clinginess. I will say, having a velcro kid was kind of nice since Mari is generally a noncuddler. But we could have done without the ickiness.

2010: 07/30

Mari managed to keep her sleep cap on all night (sort of).

2010: 07/31

Last day of swim class. After an impromptu sleepover with Cousin Madi - Mari was less than energetic. Lack of sleep, upset that Madi was not coming to swim with her, probably already starting to feel sick.....

She did, however, conquer a huge fear....laying back in the water. She freaks doing this at home to rinse her hair so it was a major deal to do it in the pool (maybe she was just thinking it was naptime!).

2010: 08/01

Mari's favorite place in the world - swinging. She is a superstar pumper but always claims she can't go high enough. Truth is, she swings herself higher than I'll push her.

A couple hours later, she was planted on the couch, all pathetic and sad.

2010: 08/02

Hanging out in Mommy's bed, waiting on fever to cool down a bit - Mari can't sleep when she has a fever and they seem to spike in the middle of the night for her.
2010: 08/03
Finally cool and feeling better, sleeping soundly.
Only to be awakened a few hours later with a temp of 104.
2010: 08/04
Catching an early morning nap before going back to the doctor's. She would get about 30 minutes of cool sleep before her temp would start creeping back up.

2010: 08/05

Having gotten a shot of antibiotics the day before, Mari was able to go to school and stay the whole day. No fevers, no sore throat, no ickiness - just a little soreness in her leg from the shot.

And this is what she looked like after school. Feeling SO much better. Finally!

Now, I have some serious sleep to catch up on. See you later!

Weeks 29 & 30 of 52

2010-08-01T20:53:00.008-04:00

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. We're over two weeks behind now. And I've not been very good....well, last week I was but the week before I was not in a picture taking groove. So I've had to cheat. Again. You will get some "flashback" pictures as well as some "filler" pix - they represent what was going on that day....maybe just were not taken on that day.

As usual....pix are from the most recent to the oldest. Hold onto your socks - this might be so thrilling that I knock them off!

Week 30 of 52

We spent this week going all-natural on the hair: finger-combing only, trying out different products.....so lots of hair pix this week. And I'll do a hair post soon to let you know what I learned this week.

2010: 07/29

Just a picture of Mari's hair in the morning...when it looks tame.

2010: 07/28

Mari hit her head at school. On another kid's head. While they were trying to kiss. Oy.

She asked me for "cold green peas" to make her boo-boo feel better. BTW - there was no actual boo-boo to be seen.

2010: 07/27

Just another hair picture - curls looking luscious.
2010: 07/26
You guessed it - another hair picture. After being soaked in the sprinkler.

2010: 07/25

Birthday party at the roller rink. Mari rocked it - she skates much better without holding my hand but she couldn't be convinced of that. Luckily one of her little friends from school was there, so they skated together.

2010: 07/24

Birthday party/cookout for a friend. I love that Mari is the only one looking at the camera in this picture. Cute.

2010:07/23

Just playing around with some pix.

Week 29 of 52

Ahem....a few "filler" pix here. Sorry.

2010: 07/22

Just feel like Mari's coloring is getting SO much better. She is really learning to take her time.

~~2010~~2009: 07/21

Flashback picture!! Yup, this is from last year on this date.

Mari still loves watercoloring best of all her artsy skills.

2010: 07/20

Took a bunch of videos this day - Mari singing Bible songs in the tub. Something about the tub puts her in a singing good mood. Here's the only pic I took this day....Mari relaxing and singing.

~~2010~~2008: 07/19

Can you believe how little she was? We had only been home about 6 months here.

What a little ray of sunshine!

2010: 07/18

Probably my favorite non-natural style. So beautiful, so easy, so "Mari"

2010: 07/17

Oh so tired.

2010: 07/16

I told Mari to pose on the rocking chair, so I got the "monster face." Sigh.

Are your socks still on? Was that exciting or what? I promise to try a little harder in the coming weeks. I promise to also put up some posts that are real posts....we are long overdue for a real update. So stay tuned.

Weeks 27 & 28 of 52

2010-07-17T21:39:00.007-04:00

Doing 2 weeks at a time again cause I've been too ~~lazy~~ busy to post. So here goes - in backwards order, most recent to oldest!

Week 28 of 52

2010: 07/15

Mari modelling her new beach coverup - it's going to be a long couple of months until we hit the beach.

2010: 07/14

When I picked Mari up from school, they were involved in a very serious game of Duck, Duck, Goose. The only way I could convince her to leave was to promise to play it at home.

(Just so you know - Elmo cheats!)

2010: 07/13

Mari ~~helped make~~ made a casserole for dinner - Popover Pizza.

I love how seriously she takes this job. She is becoming very adept at helping in the kitchen and is a stickler for the handwashing after eggs!!

2010: 07/12

My little Gilligan.

2010: 07/11
We did a spur-of-the-moment trip to our "local" zoo. It's a little bit of a sad zoo but they are pretty laid-back about you feeding the animals....as long as you feed them the food they provide. I've never been this close to a giraffe. It was awe-inspiring, breath-taking. I wasn't tall enough to feed this giraffe but I was standing right under him as some taller people were feeding him (or her?). We also got to ride an elephant and feed lots of other animals. Mari's favorite animals were the goats, go figure!
2010: 07/10
Another day of swim class (sorry for the pic quality). There were only 2 in Mari's class this day, so they got to "swim" to the deep end!!

2010: 07/09

Madi and Mari experiencing their first air-popped popcorn.

Click here for an eerily similar photo from the weekend I got Mari's referral!

___________________________________

Week 27 of 52

2010: 07/08
Mari's first taste of Smores....she declared them finger-licking good.
2010: 07/07
Weird choice of pix, I know. Mari is getting quite adept at working the camera - she even took several pix of me at the zoo and they turned out pretty good! Anyway, this was one I found on the camera after she had been taking pix of "some of her stuff."

2010: 07/06

Found a good deal on some Story Reader books that I couldn't pass up. Luckily, when I went to Wal-Mart to buy the actual Story Reader, it was on Clearance!! So I got the Story Reader (with a book) plus 6 more books for less than $20. Mari LOVES her Story Reader. They are pretty cool....it knows what page you are on and tells you when to turn the page as it reads the story to you.

2010: 07/05

After a weekend filled with cookouts, family, sleep-over friends, fireworks, pools, swingsets, sprinklers, baseball, late nights, short naps, parades, junk food.....well, someone just couldn't even wait until lunch to take a 2+ hour nap on Monday.

2010: 07/04

Happy July 4th. We celebrated with a cookout at my house. Mari is attempting to learn a little t-ball. Let's just hope she doesn't have big dreams in this area!

2010: 07/03

Madi, Cousin Brendan, and Mari getting ready for the 4th of July parade. It was Mari and Brendan's first parades!! They were very excited.

2010: 07/02

Introducing Mari to one of the fine cuisines of the world. Ramen noodles. She slurped them like she'd eaten them a hundred times. Guess she's ready for college now!

Weeks 25 & 26 of 52

2010-07-05T12:53:00.004-04:00

Yup...got a little behind. It's been busy busy busy around here. Lots going on. Unfortunately, there are a few "fill" pix in this two-week batch. I've been taking lots of video lately so sometimes I forget to take a still shot of the day. If I miss a day, I try to remember what we were doing and take a pic of something to represent that day....this time I figured I'd give you some pet pix. After all, they are in our lives every day. They need their screen time!

Week 26 of 52

(can you believe the year is half over?????)

2010: 07/01

In anticipation of a weekend of fun, Mari and Madi were given the task of cleaning the pool. I don't think they enjoyed standing in ankle deep, cold, soapy water as much as usual.

2010: 06/30

Shhhh.....
2010: 06/29
There was a little girl who had a little curl......

2010: 06/28

A beautiful sunset....could NOT capture the colors well.

2010: 06/27

Mari loves trying on my glasses.

Sassy girl.

2010: 06/26

2nd day of solo swim lessons. She rocked it again.

2010: 06/25

Bubble bath with a duck. Her original duck.

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Week 25 of 52

2010: 06/24

Lovely picture, huh?

Head bump (no actual injury!)

Blue lips from post-trauma lollipop.

2010: 06/23

Mickey Mouse - age 8

Award for most tolerant cat around pre-schoolers.

Award for most annoying cat around sleeping adults.

2010: 06/22

Mari loves making "picnics" - this is a fairly light spread for her.

She uses her Ethiopian flag for a picnic blanket. I must get that hung up.

2010: 06/21

Sammy Cat, age 5.5

Award for fattest cat in the family - 22ish pounds

Award for sweetest, wheeziest purr.

2010: 06/20

Took advantage of some great natural light at the end of the evening for some close-ups.

2010: 06/19

Day #1 of solo swim lessons.

Given her recent history of not being able to handle a class activity (gymnastics), I was pretty worried.

She rocked it! She's just hesitant of the water enough that she listens and waits her turn.

2010: 06/18

Oliver, age 7

Award for the best food-snatcher.

Award for the most protective yapper in the neighborhood...don't even think about looking at our house!

Mellow Yellow

2010-06-30T21:31:00.003-04:00

I think I've mentioned that Mari's behavior as of late has been nothing short of atrocious. You can read more about it here if you want; the Spirited Child book has helped immensely - more in gauging my reactions and temperaments than in assessing Mari...I pretty much had her figured out, just needed to figure myself out to get the two of us on the same page.

One thing I noticed was that there was a very definite change in Mari's behavior starting around the time we went to KY. She was beginning to be a little naughty before we went but a lot of that seemed to be very reactionary to the whole "school changing" and we were working through that. I couldn't put my finger on what had made her "snap." I researched everything from sensory issues to attachment regression; I talked to her, role-played, imaginary played; I spoke with her teachers at school....tried anything to pinpoint WHAT changed her behavior so radically and quickly. I was at the end of my rope.

Last week was somewhat of a better week. We implemented a new reward system...she earns gold coins to put in her treasure chest and then she can buy things with the gold coins (haven't quite figured out the redeeming aspect of this...she's just thrilled to be earning coins). That seemed to help with motivation. We purchased an alarm clock that she can turn off herself and that turns green when it's "okay" for her to get out of bed. We pick out her clothes the night before and put them in a special basket so when it's time to get dressed, she just grabs the basket. It has helped somewhat.

So as a reward for all the progress we made last week, I decided to take Mari out to dinner and buy her a present. She had asked if she could get a baseball bat and ball. Sounded like a worthwhile prize to me. So we went to Ruby Tuesday's for dinner and then on to Wal-Mart. We found the bats quickly and Mari immediately picked up a cheap, thin, spongy, yucky, BLUE bat and said that was the one she wanted. I wanted her to get a bigger (preschool friendly) bat and asked her to come look at the other not-so-blue ones (I never said she couldn't have the one she picked, just asked her to look at the others).

She snapped. Snapped. Bad snapped. OMG snapped. She started screaming and kicking and thrashing around. I knew she needed to be removed from the situation but I was hoping to get her settled down. So I picked her up and carried her to the garden department where it was a little quieter. She continued screaming and kicking and scratching and hitting...she was screaming so hard that she couldn't swallow her spit and started foaming at the mouth. So I carried her out to the car pretty much upside down. She was screaming so hard she threw up in the parking lot (or maybe that was because I carried her out upside down). It took me a full 5 minutes to get her buckled in the carseat. She was absolutely hysterical. I wasn't even upset at this point. I knew she had no control over whatever was going on. She calmed down about 5 minutes into the ride home and went straight to the tub and to bed...she was asleep by 6:45.

So............

Here's what I think happened (and thanks to my Cousin/BFF Juli for putting the clues together for me). When we went to Ruby Tuesday, Mari ordered lemonade. They have awesome lemonade - homemade, fresh-squeezed. Mari had downed about 1/2 cup and then knocked hers over....when I set it back up, I noticed it was fizzy. So I called the waiter over and asked him why her drink was fizzy (I was worried they had given her Mountain Dew). He explained that they were out of regular lemonade and substituted (without asking) a mixture of lemon syrup and club soda. I didn't think much about it. Mari drank 2 cups. Then flipped out in Wal-Mart.

So while I was recounting the evening with Juli (I was concerned maybe there was alcohol in the syrup - I couldn't smell any but....), she suggested maybe it was a food coloring thing. And then I got to thinking that we have been drinking LOTS of lemonade lately. We had some in KY (but it was pink lemonade) and then when we came home, we started drinking it pretty much exclusively. Country Time Lemonade - a gallon every two days. With Yellow 5 Lake added. And the week of good behavior leading up to the "incident" - we had mostly been drinking Minute Maid Fruit Falls (flavor water in pouches) - no food coloring.

Yellow 5 Lake - also known as tartrazine. Banned in most countries. Regulated by the FDA - it must be labelled when added to products (in other words, "artificial colors" does not cut it - it has to be specified). May cause hyperactivity in children. Also exacerbates asthma. Among lots of other lovely things.

We've now been without Yellow 5 Lake for 4 (almost 5) full days. The last tantrum was over 3 days ago. We have had a pleasant week. Not perfect but much more typical 3-yr-old-ness. Mari is still distractable, headstrong, spirited. But she is focused, directable, and most importantly, IN CONTROL of her emotions and impulses.

So we are going to be mellow without yellow in this house. I'm not going to become the "yellow police" - I don't want her to miss out on treats at school or parties because of this. But we will attempt to avoid it in as many situations as possible. Eliminating it will not give us perfect behavior but it will remove one obstacle that we can control.

Anyone else out there have any experience with food dye and behavior issues?

Week 24 of 52

2010-06-17T22:24:00.008-04:00

Another week down...what a killer week it was. Hoping this next one will go a little better as we head into the weekend.

2010: 06/17

Nothing better than licking cookie batter off the mixer...

2010: 06/16

Trying on a flower girl dress for a wedding in October. If she doesn't grow another inch or so, might have to shorten that sash!

2010: 06/15
You know, if the lines had been this thick when I was a kid, I might have been able to color in the lines too!

2010: 06/14

Monster robot dinosaur face. 2010: 06/13

We emptied the pool to clean it and Mari was in charge of refilling it....I think she did a little more playing than was necessary but she had fun. 2010: 06/12

Not the cutest picture of the day but it's rare to have a picture of the two of us together, so here you go. We went to the library for the big summer reading program kickoff. A visit from the Norfolk Aquarium fish truck, crafts, face painting. Very hot and humid on asphalt....we were wilted by the time we were done.

2010: 06/11

BIG hair!

I would like to thank Blogger for being absolutely IMPOSSIBLE with formatting tonight. ARGH!!

Stories from the Carseat

2010-06-17T12:47:00.000-04:00

On the way to school this morning:

"Once upon a time, two cows stepped in a muddy mud puddle but they didn’t get all muddy. So they decided to go for a walk. Then they met the Big Bad Wolf. They was scared of the Big Bad Wolf so they called the dinosaurs. The dinosaurs came over and said “RAAAAHR!” but the Big Bad Wolf didn’t scare ‘way. So the dinosaurs called the lions and they said “RAAAAHR!” to the Wolf. The Big Bad Wolf went away. The cows was happy. The dinosaurs and the lions played together, they not scary to each other. Nope, they’re not."

Breaking Point - okay, not quite yet.

2010-06-14T21:42:00.003-04:00

I mentioned in my last post that the behavior around our house has been less than admirable. It has been blatant defiance, horrible temper tantrums (not like her usual ones, these have been crazy bad), resisting as everything I say to the point of peeing her pants in front of me rather than listen to me and go potty (she's been fully potty-trained for over a year). It's been a nightmare and as a single mom, I've been on the edge of collapse for a couple weeks. It's been really hard to handle.

But, it's a two-way street. I’m not at all happy with the way my child is behaving but it’s hard to fault her when she is feeding off of and into my reactions. Mari is extremely smart and intuitive…she knows which buttons to push and just how far to push. Unfortunately, the realization of the fact that I’m “being played” by my child does nothing to ease my frustration or impatience. Part of the frustration is the fact that, because of Mari’s intelligence, I often set the bar too high for her…yes, I expect her to do the things I know she is capable of but I forget sometimes that a 3-yr-old gets so distracted and that Mari, in particular, is extremely sensitive to situations that are sensory overwhelming. Just because she could completely dress herself yesterday, does not mean she has the focus or energy to do it today. We are working together to find a happy understanding of each other.

I’m reading Raising the Spirited Child (AMAZING!!) and, while I could spend an entire post on what I’ve gotten out of this book, there is one profound thing that I’ve learned. This is the definition of introverts and extroverts. I’m very much an introvert - introverts are not necessarily shy, but we are people that need to regroup and refuel our energy by having downtime and alone time. Extroverts are people that need stimulation and people to refuel them - perfect definition of Mari. One of the hardest things to read was that an introverted parent of an extroverted child will have an extremely hard time meeting their child’s energy needs. That hurts. But it’s true. I’d rather spend my evenings and weekends just hanging out at home doing whatever and Mari, while not able to handle a large number of activities, cannot stand to be one-on-one with Mommy for that length of time. It is somewhat of a relief to realize that this is not a slam to me, it is the simple fact that Mari needs interactions and other people to help her refuel. This is why sometimes just calling Grandma to say Hi can put her in a better mood instantly.

So we are learning. Another thing I’ve learned is that, while you try to give kids choices, there are some thing that they do not have a choice about. And it’s okay to tell them to do it. And you don’t have to say please. Huh? Yup. For an intuitive kid, adding “please” to the end of a command is the same as adding a question mark. And it’s true….anytime I say please, she tells me no. So I’ve stopped. Or tried to. I say it a lot! (Lest you think I’m teaching my child to be rude, I’m not. We still say please and thank you for everything else except those things that she does not get a choice about). Try it once...say "Come to the table, please." vs "Come to the table." It's so much easier to wallow out of the first one.

Another thing is the positive reinforcement. It goes a LONG way. Duh! No brainer. But I was struggling because it seemed like every time I praised Mari, she’d turn right around and act up. It drove me crazy. I’ve now learned that because of her level of distractibility, even something as simple as “I like the way you are doing that” can distract her enough that she gets off track and can’t get herself back together. So praise is abundant but my timing is better.

So after our bad week last week, I've made a promise to myself that I would change myself to accomodate Mari. Hopefully just changing my expectations and reactions will help her settle back down to a secure place.

We got to put it to practice tonight - with one fight (big decrease and it was short!).

As I was fixing supper, Mari was playing with her toys…I gave her a 3 minute warning for supper, a 2 minute warning for supper, then a 1 minute warning for supper. Obviously, at this age, time is subjective but she needs the count down. Each time I warned her, she happily said OK. When it was time for supper, she started for the table and immediately yelled “But I want JUICE.” I calmly replied “It’s suppertime, you drink milk with supper.” So she changed her tune “I want a RED cup.” (Nevermind the milk was in her favorite blue cup.) I looked her in the eye and said “Mari, it is suppertime, come to the table.”

Next, she threw herself on the floor screaming, kicking, thrashing, wailing “No, I won’t. I want a red cup. I don’t want supper. I want a red cup.” I sat down and started eating, totally ignoring her. Unfortunately, ignoring doesn’t work too well when she’s screaming that loud. When she stopped for a breath, I told her she had a choice of coming to the table or going to her room while I ate and that she had to the count of 3 to make the decision. If she didn’t choose, then I would get to choose and I would choose to have her come to the table. So I counted to 3 and asked her for her decision. She turned her back on me and humpfed. I picked her up and carried her to the table explaining that since she didn’t choose, then I chose for her to come to the table. Of course, this led to screaming, hitting, not sitting down, trying to knock her food off the table, etc. So I carried her to her room and attempted to leave her there. She, of course, tried to run out the door but I was able to make it out and shut the door. She screamed bloody murder and I went back to my dinner, trying to keep myself together. She screamed for about 2 minutes and then the door comes flying open and I can see out of my peripheral vision that she is watching me eat. So I talk to the cat about how yummy my food is. Then she comes out of her room, grumping, attempting to knock over her mailbox. I look her in the eye and say “if you are coming out of your room, you will come to the table.” Hesitation. Evil eye. Shoulder shrug. “Okay, Mommy.”

In seat at table. “I want a RED cup.” “Well, Mari. Tonight you are drinking out of a blue cup. If you want a red cup, you may have one tomorrow for supper but you must sit in your seat at the table and ask nicely or Mommy will not be able to hear you.”

And we had a very pleasant evening. 10 minute fight. Mommy seething inside but never showing it. Mari acting like a terror but making the choice herself to cooperate.

Can we keep this up? I hope I have the energy.

Week 23 of 52

2010-06-11T18:19:00.002-04:00

Yet another week down. I think this one has been, by far, the worst one we've ever had behavior-wise. Mari has not been a fun person to be around and my patience has been short - not a good combination. She has tested me in every way possible and pushed me to my limit...but we've come out the other side with our heads above water. There are a lot of things around the house that have been left undone, yard is a mess, projects unfinished....but these things will keep. The latter part of the week has been better and I think things will be back to normal soon (well, as normal as we get around here!).

2010: 06/10

Mari is finally adept enough with the mouse to play her LeapFrog games semi-solo.

Here she is concentrating on kicking pies with the Backyardigans.

2010: 06/09

Yet another letter set done!! We only have 5 letters left to go (QVWXZ) - and those are the letters they been working on most lately since it's the end of the school year!
2010: 06/08
Practicing tracing lines.
I bought some tracing books in KY at a teacher supply store - Mari loves them and it is helping her with writing her letters better.
(Is it me or does she look really old in this picture?)
2010: 06/07
Mari helped me cook dinner - I gave her an ear of corn to shuck but didn't tell her what it was...just told her to unwrap it.
She was pretty excited when she finally got through the layers.
"Mommy, there's a corn in here!!"
2010: 06/06
Mari just being Mari.
2010: 06/05
My niece Madi turned 3 and all the cousins had a blast celebrating with her. I love how all three girls play together so well.

2010: 06/04

We got our little pool filled up and ready for summer....Mari got in even before the hose had finished filling it. It was FREEZING! That didn't stop her from trying to get Mommy all wet!

Week 22 of 52

2010-06-03T20:20:00.007-04:00

Another week done. It's been a busy, exhausting one for us. We travelled to KY to visit relatives on Friday and returned on Monday. It was a weekend of shortened naps, late bedtimes, fun fun fun, heat heat heat, and long car rides. Luckily, Mari is a super-duper awesome traveller.
(Again, these are in backwards order, most recent to the oldest)

2010: 06/03

Mari wanted to do "projects" with me. Here she is making Donald Duck a keychain.

2010: 06/02

Mari got a little hot. Can't imagine it would have anything to do with the sheet, microfleece blanket, the heavy fleece Sesame blanket, the microfleece Mickey blanket, or the double-layered fleece "baby" blanket that she insists on sleeping with.

2010: 06/01

Mari's first "big girl" taco. We usually do soft ones, rolled and sliced. The look on her face is not from the taste....it's from the difficulty eating it. After a few tries, she decided it would taste better if she broke it all up and used a fork.....created her own taco salad with no prompting from the Mommy corner!
2010: 05/31
Mari concentrating very hard on tracing her letters.
I'm not really sure why she likes ripping her shirt off all the time but whatev....
2010: 05/30
My awesome grandparents and their kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids.
2010: 05/29
You can't really tell this is our cousin Brendan but it's an awesome picture. The kids had a blast playing in the water slide on a very hot day.
2010: 05/28
Mari with her grandma and great-grandma.

So that's our week. Have several other posts in the works to get up but been feeling yucky the last few days, so I've been slacking on my "projects" - hopefully soon, I'll get back on track.

Week 21 of 52

2010-05-27T22:32:00.004-04:00

2010: 05/27

I love organization. I'm a little OCD about it.

This is Mari's "travel" pack for her hair (minus the hairbands). I found it in the beading section of the craft store...it came with 9 little bottles but I only needed 4. I filled them with water and shook them - they are pretty tight/leak-proof. Very happy not to have to carry full bottles with me.

2010: 05/26

Mari passed another reading level!

Yay for FGPHL!

2010: 05/25

A new style...needs a little work to get more definition but I like it.

Just two strand twists that you cross over and keep going on the other track.

2010: 05/24

What is this bug? It's all over Mari's playset. Seems harmless but they are EVERYWHERE. Pretty tiny (about 1cm) - should have put something next to it for a reference.
2010: 05/23
Does Mari look a lot older in this picture to you?
She has finally gotten the hang of several of her LeapFrog games.
2010: 05/22
Mari ran out of room on her paper to put stickers, so she whipped her shirt off and kept applying them.

2010: 05/21

Time for Mari's hairbands to get a bath. Not only cleans them but shrink them back to their original size and stretchiness. Love my Woolite lingerie bag.

School Days Updated

2010-05-25T21:41:00.008-04:00

We are in week #6 at a new school for Mari. I had mentioned it before and had several ask about what was involved in my decision making, etc. I wanted to give it some time to see how we adjusted to the new situation before I could sit back and look at the big picture objectively.

The school we were at was one of my top 2 picks...the one we moved to was the other. The reason I chose the first one was the fact that the other top pick did not accept children until they were 2 and Mari was only 15 months when we started. I had actually gone to visit her new school once before when she was about 20 months old and enrolled her with the thought that I would move her at age 2 - but her second birthday came at a volatile time as I was starting a new job and she was having a lot of difficulties with transitions/attachment/general-toddlerness. So we stayed where we were.

What motivated us to change? This was not a decision that I made lightly. Mari does not handle transitions well....she tends to be fabulous IN the situation but then the stress builds up and she lets it all out on me because she trusts me. This is a healthy attachment reaction but really tough on us. We had some issues at school that were not that unusual in childcare settings, especially in a facility that is larger than most. However, the biggest issue we had was that the idea of "primary caregiver" seemed to be a far-fetched notion. Anyone that has adopted knows that our children NEED to have a single person they can count on....flip-flopping teachers is very hard on them. And anyone that has children knows that throwing a new teacher in a room full of toddlers/preschoolers with no notice tends to result in chaos, both in the classroom and carries over at home. I was actually told, at one point, that teachers were moved often so they wouldn't become attached. This was the final straw for me....my child needs to attach; she needs to learn to count on people; she needs to learn to trust people. So we were done.

It was sad. Mari had a lot of great friends there. She was very attached to some of her teachers. The school also had a lot of great things like a bouncy house, a great playground, special themes, etc. But I was not sending my child to school to go to a carnival...I was sending her to learn academics and basic good behavior.

And we won't even go into the fact that I'm saving $40 per week now!!

So...the new school. It's VERY different.

First, I have to pack her lunch and snacks. This was one of my biggest fears - could I really pack 5 lunches and 15 snacks a week? And why are they having 3 snacks a day? Anyhow, it's not been a problem. The snacks are very small and quick, so I haven't had to worry too much about that and lunch is either leftovers or a butter and jelly sandwich (yes, butter..."white butter" - her absolute favorite thing in the world).

It is VERY structured. They change activities every 15 minutes. Every 15 minutes. And from the little I've seen, it is very "sit-down" type stuff. When you drop off in the mornings, the kids are all playing in stations just like at the old school but the stations are at tables and the kids are staying at the tables playing. No more screaming chaos. More on that in a minute.

It is religious. Mari has not had any religious teaching thus far. I'm not against it, I've just got some of my own issues in this area (that's another post that will NEVER get written). So it's pretty funny to hear her tell me Bible stories...."Please Mommy, don't let God scare me." "Please Mommy, don't let the lions get me. Daniel didn't like lions either." And she has learned about 20 new songs already - all Bible songs that I used to sing as a kid. Her favorite is Zachias was a wee little man.

They have homework 2 nights a week - a worksheet of either letters or numbers. I like this; it keeps me involved in what she is working on. They divide the kids by reading level and not by age. They have individualized instruction in this area. Mari has passed 2 reading levels (the vowels and a consonant set)....to pass, the kids have to know the capital and lowercase and the sound it makes. Mari knows all her capitals and all her sounds, she has a couple more lowercase to learn. Then she will move on to blends (ch, st, pr). I've been extremely impressed by her ability to pick up letter sounds in words that aren't at the beginning....in other words, she can tell you that Oliver begins with O but has an L in it and Abigail begins with A but has a B in it.

**Update** Mari passed another reading level today (5/26)! 16 out of 26 letters done. We are on fire!

She has been working very hard on writing. This has always been a weakness - motor skills with her hands. She used to get so tired using utensils and we actively worked on things like stringing beads and putting beads in small containers, etc. When she started at her new school, she could draw a circle but could not trace a straight line (forget about tracing letters). Now she is doing much better (although still needs a lot of work in this area). And her coloring is getting much better too. She is focusing on staying in the lines and filling in the area.

Notice the difference between her homework from a month ago and hers tonight (I was so proud of how hard she worked).

The biggest difference I've seen is her independence. She walks into school in the mornings, gives me a kiss, and pushes me out the door. There are still days occasionally where she wants an extra hug but it has been amazing to see her blossom in this respect. I think a lot of it is the lack of chaos upon arriving; there is something to be said for a calm environment with soft spoken but firm teachers and children that listen and respect their elders.

**Update** Here's the link to the curriculum that is used at her new school.

Now if only we could carry this over to our home life........
But that's an entirely different post!

I'm pleased to say that the change was a positive in our lives and I can breathe a sigh of relief and start worrying about other stuff now.

Week 20 out 52

2010-05-20T22:50:00.005-04:00

2010: 05/20

This picture cracks me up. Mari asked me to stop Max and Ruby so she could find Max and Ruby. I guess she wanted them to see really well.

2010: 05/19

Mari passed another set of letters! MRSTB - coupled with knowing all her vowels, she could spell alot if she could put them together. She knows all her letter sounds and all her capitals, she is quickly learning her lowercase and as soon as she finishes the last couple letter groups, she will move onto "blends." She is already able to pick out other letter sounds in words, not just the beginning letters. Impressing the heck out of me!!
2010: 05/18
3 years old going on 13? Where's my baby growing to?
2010: 05/17
Mari LOVES her Sesame Street t-shirt - I think it might replace the rainbow shirt (which is a good thing since that is long-sleeved and getting too small). I love the Sesame Street hair ballies - a 4-pack at Target for $1. Wish I had bought 20 sets instead of 2. She had about every character in her hair this day!
2010: 05/16
Mari insisted that Mickey wanted his picture taken.
I'm sure he was thrilled with the arrangement.
2010: 05/15
Mari's expression when she found out Sesame Street Live was over. She LOVED it. It was worth every bit of anticipation.
2010: 05/14
Mari never notices the storms we get and often asks why we have to hide in the closet (I'm a little paranoid about bad weather!). This night, she was actually standing watching the weather when an incredibly brilliant flash of lightning hit with an accompanying clap of thunder that rattled the windows and doors. Scared the begeebers out of her. She screamed bloody murder and then ran into my arms with big pouty tears streaming down her cheeks. My child is now petrified of thunder storms. At least we can snuggle up together instead of her leaving me to be scared alone!

Week 19 of 52

2010-05-14T20:15:00.003-04:00

Another week down. This one was a little tougher. I had a wisdom tooth extracted on Monday so maybe a little cheating done on Monday and Tuesday's pictures but they were all from this week! So get over it!

2010: 05/13

Bubbles!

What else can I say?

2010: 05/12

Hairstyle for most of the week - usually takes me over an hour to put her hair in "squiggles" but I learned a new technique that saves us so much time. Read on.
2010: 05/11
Read about a technique called "stretching" - basically banding the hair while wet and then styling after it's dry. Then it doesn't scrunch up and frizz on you. There is also a technique called "braid out" - basically you take down your cornrows carefully and you can get a couple days out of a stretched curly style. So every night, I've been putting Mari's hair in loose flat twists and then in the morning I just very lightly spritz with water, add a little Curly Cake Shake and carefully take down the twists. And you have instant "squiggles"!! And they don't shrivel up because they are already dry!!!!!! No more hours and hours of finger twisting. BTW, the picture above is her squiggles after about 12 hours of wear and tear! Below is the flat twists (they take me about 15-20 minutes before bed).

2010: 05/10

(Yup...cheating picture from later in the week...I was in a drug-induced haze that night.)

Mari wearing her SuperHero cape. Backwards. Whatever.

2010: 05/09

Beautiful Butterfly.

MariRoza Mariposa

2010: 05/08

Enjoying some time at a birthday party at the park.

2010: 05/07

The "steal" I got from a neighbor's yard sale!! Cheap cheap cheap and they helped carry it into my backyard!

Week 18 of 52

2010-05-07T22:58:00.003-04:00

2010: 05/06

Mari's been begging for earrings for a very long time, always trying to put things in her ears as pretend earrings and always trying to put mine in her non-existent holes. So I finally decided to let her do it as long as she had a clear understanding that it would hurt. She almost backed out at the last minute but then decided to do it. She screamed bloody murder and cried for awhile but got over it quickly with an ice-cream supper.

2010: 05/05

Mari passed the first reading circle at her new school!! To pass, they have to know the letters by sound and both the capital and lowercase. Yay Mari!!
2010: 05/04
Mari loving the swingset in her backyard.

2010: 05/03

Mari always takes her "Mari book" to bed with her. Sometimes I hear her telling her stuffed animals "when I was a little baby in Ethiopia, Mommy came and found me and Granddad came too but Grandma stayed home to take care of my Ollie-dog for me."

2010: 05/02

Getting a jumpstart on teenager years?

2010: 05/01

The cousins waiting in eager anticipation for the new swingset to be ready.

2010: 04/30

The playset - 3 swings, slide, rock wall, tower, picnic table - all in that tiny box.

What a busy, fun week. The next few weeks will be full of fun activities - hope we survive!!

For the love of.....barbecue chicken

2010-05-03T21:21:00.009-04:00

Just a little glimpse into an evening with my precious child....she's been a handful lately, so here's just a little peek of why I'm exhausted lately.

I LOVE Ruby Tuesday's new barbecue chicken. I mean I LOVE IT! I crave it. I yearn for it. I could eat it every day. So we eat there about once a week. I've been trying to get Mari to have better restaurant manners - she tends to be distracted and distracting when we go out with others and it's pointless to try to carry on conversations with adults while she's along. So I'm trying to give her some one-on-one time in restaurants to get her to understand a little social etiquette. She's actually been doing very well recently with this. So, tonight, I decided to head to Ruby's again. Mari loves the barbecue chicken too - it's about the only restaurant that she will actually eat something (usually too distracted) and she usually even finishes this.

So, we pull up to the restaurant and it's virtually empty (the one saving grace about the evening). We walk in and before the hostess can even greet us, Mari says "Hey, where's my lemonade?" Oh dear, I should have turned around and left. But that chicken was close enough to taste. So I ask for a booth while the hostess (obviously new) fumbles around for the crayons until Mari dives into the cabinet and picks out her own pack. Which was totally unnecessary since we always have a box of crayons in my purse. Anyways, did I mention the chicken is awesome?

So we go to the booth and sit down and Mari immediately starts the dropping the crayon-crawling under the table to retrieve it-finding more yucky crayons game. The waiter presents himself and it's obvious that the only experience he's had with kids is....well, none at all. He starts giggling while asking Mari if she's here for the carnival. WRONG THING to say, dude. So then he tries to cover his tracks by telling her that it's not a carnival, it's just a secret roller coaster with balloons. Seriously - this dude was an idiot. NEVER say balloon to a 3-yr-old unless you plan to produce one. Anywho.... So we order.

Mari's beloved lemonade is brought and she starts the take the straw out-put the straw in-take the lid off-attempt to put lid back on-getting very sticky messy game. In an attempt to keep her busy, we work on our placemat coloring page. She decides that she needs to work on her letters and numbers by screaming them (not yelling, screaming them). Sigh. Where's that chicken for her to chew on?

I decide to pretend the menu is a storybook and "read" Mari a story about a little girl that goes to Ruby Tuesdays for supper. She goes along with it for a little while until she decides to be mad that it's Ruby's Tuesday cause she likes Max better. End of the "menu" story.

So then, I smell something. "Mari, did you toot?" Of course not. "Are you sure?" Yes, Mommy. "Mari did you forget to wipe at school today." Then she stands up in the booth and PULLS HER PANTS DOWN to prove it to me. Oy.

After that fiasco, I attempt to get her interested in something else by telling her that we can send pix to cousin Brendan on my phone. So we take a couple cheesy pix and text them to Brendan....then she grabbed my phone with her sticky lemonade hands and....well, hopefully I can figure out how to turn off the bluetooth eventually.

Finally food arrives. I cut up her chicken and pour the barbecue sauce over it and prepare to dig in. Mari, meanwhile, digs into her rice pilaf with a vengance. I usually order her fries but she ends up eating all my rice, so I ordered rice for her. Unfortunately, I didn't take into account that when she eats my rice, I usually fork it into her. Mari and rice are not a neat fit. And she of course, feels she needs to pick up every grain she drops. So, after some ~~lecturing~~ discussion about leaving the rice on the seat and floor, she decides that she would have better motor control by picking up every little grain individually and dipping them in her barbecue sauce. At this point, I'm not even tasting my food.

After some more ~~lecturing~~ discussion about using a fork for good manners, she manages to stab herself in the tongue, so every bite of barbecue sauce burns. This results in her taking big bite, letting it fall out of her mouth, wiping her tongue with a napkin, taking a huge drink of lemonade (which didn't burn?????????), coughing because she gulped too much, then putting the slobbery chicken back in her mouth to finish it. And then forking up a load of rice which showers all over her lap. Again.

Did I mention during this time, she is up-down-turning around-climbing off the seat-ducking under the table-leaning over the booth to check on the other diners and leaning over to hug me to try to diffuse the steam coming from my ears?

I finally ask for a box for my food and the check and when the waiter gets back, he decides to growl at Mari. She cowers, so I try to explain that he was just joking so she stands up in the booth and ROARS at him across the restaurant.

We leave. I almost forgot my chicken. Almost being the key word there. We get to the car and Mari starts tipping her lemonade like she wants to spill it, so I take it away. She howls. We get in the car and she asks her favorite question "Are you happy, Mommy?" No Mari, I'm not. I'm exhausted and frustrated. And still hungry.

That's our life in a nutshell these days. Hopefully that chicken will taste better tomorrow.

Week 17 of 52

2010-04-29T20:48:00.004-04:00

Another week gone by....can't believe that April is almost over. Crazy. I'm really proud of myself for keeping up with this picture a day thing. I know sometimes it's boring or the pix don't mean a lot to other people but I love having documentation of our day-to-day lives.

2010: 04/29

Mari LOVES to brush her teeth. Our morning routine has changed so much since she now has to eat breakfast at home so she had to learn the hard way this week that she needs to hurry up and eat to have time to brush. She was very happy that she finished with plenty of time this morning.

2010: 04/28

New dress I found at Target on clearance. $5.

Doesn't she look so grown up?

(Excuse the quality of the picture, having serious lighting/flash fill issues)

2010: 04/27

After only 3 days of carrying it, Mari's new ~~cheap~~ inferior-grade lunch box was broken. So I spent a little more and got a quality one from LLBean. Love it, both the appearance and the usability of it. Also kind of difficult to find personalized name tags for my child...so I made my own. 2010: 04/26

Sick day for Mari with a bad cough and just not feeling well. She took full advantage of a warm (purring) pillow.

2010: 04/25

Mari's first "real" sleepover - Day 2. Poor Mari was pooped. I told the girls it would be naptime as soon as the show they were watching went off. I went to my room to put away laundry and 3 minutes later came out to find Mari passed out in the middle of the floor. She hasn't done that for a couple years.

2010: 04/24

Mari's first "real" sleepover - Day 1. Mari and Lydia had an awesome time playing under the "tent" I made out of tableclothes. In all seriousness, I think I need remedial training in this area...it took me a half an hour to rig it up. But they played in it for over 3 hours total, so well worth it.

2010: 04/23

You can read the previous post to get the whole story on this picture but let's suffice it to say that Cousin Madi was very proud of her ponytails.

I ♥ Faces - Smiles!

2010-04-26T20:18:00.004-04:00

Here we go again....I love entering these things just because I'm a theme-nerd. I like having a goal to aim for. When I saw this week's theme was smiles, I knew which picture I wanted to use. Mari has ~~a mischievous grin~~ an awesome smile but I have a picture that I thought captured the true essence of what defines a smile.

My niece Madi came over to play the other night and her mommy was lamenting the fact that Madi has difficult hair. Her hair is very whispy and fine and silky - beautiful, but hard to do anything with. While the girls were in the tub, Madi got a cup of water dumped on her head (by her cousin with the mischievous grin) so after getting her into her PJs, I combed through her hair. Mari decided that Madi needed ponytails like hers and Madi agreed readily that she needed ponytails. It took a lot of water to sculpt her hair into ponytails but it was worth it. She LOVED them. And it gave her a totally new look - sweet, cute, and very impish....kind of like Tinkerbell in Peter Pan.

I love the satisfied joy on her face as she looks in the mirror to see her beloved ponytails "just like Mar-Mar's." This picture just makes me giggle!

Hop on over to I ♥ Faces to see some really amazing smiles!

Week 16 of 52

2010-04-22T21:47:00.005-04:00

Another week of pictures done (yes, I realize that Thursdays are a weird day of the week to "end" on but the year started on a Friday, so the first week ended on a Thursday, and so on and so forth).

This has been the most stressful week of the year. Mari finished out her last day of daycare on Friday and started a new daycare on Monday. She does not understand why, all she knows is that her comfort zone for the last nearly 2 years is gone. She is doing very well at her new school but, as is typical for Mari, she unleashes all her pent-up anxiety and tension on me at home. I would rather she do this than to have a tough time at school but it does make life difficult. I will blog soon about our school choices and why this change was very important. I am also planning the obligatory "attachment post" that I think all adoptive parents feel the need to write about sooner or later. Yes, it's been over 2 years since we became a family but it's a work in progress and, while we still have bumps in the road, I'm finally at a point where I can understand and be objective about this subject. So I'll give you my thoughts on that soon....

On to pix....

2010: 04/22

Hard to believe that this sleeping angel has made me weep in frustration several times this week.

2010: 04/21

There are no pix for this day....it would have been nothing but tears, tears, tears. Time for a refresher course.

If you haven't read this book, you should. Whether you are adopting an older child or an infant, whether you are newly home or home awhile (or even still waiting)....it's a must read. I love the science behind it - amazing that there are actually biological processes going on due to pyschological responses.

2010: 04/20

New school = HOMEWORK!!

This daycare is much more academic and I'm impressed how much my little sponge is picking up already. Here she is coloring "upside down" for the letter "U" - which says "uh" by the way - for up, umbrella, umpire, and under which rhymes with thunder. Just so you know.

2010: 04/19

Ready for my first day at my new school.
2010: 04/18
We missed lunchtime and naptime to go to the park with family. Mari fell asleep mid-bite of a french fry. NEVER before has this happened. Not sure if I can even remember a time she fell asleep while eating.

2010: 04/17

Mari finally learned to blow dandelions - she only occasionally forgets and sucks in resulting in a mouth full of dandelion "fluffies."

2010: 04/16

Mari's last day at her old daycare. Here she is sitting with her first ever boyfriend....a few minutes later, she bit the heck out of him. Nice. She hasn't bit anyone in over 18 months. I think the stress of the day was overwhelming her by that point.

I think the mural behind them is very funny.

Have a great week!

Week 15 of 52

2010-04-15T21:53:00.004-04:00

Another week down. It's been kind of stressful around here lately. Mari will be starting a new daycare/preschool on Monday after almost 2 years at the same place. Her behavior is definitely reflecting the impending change and I'm sure it will be a few more weeks until things settle back down. I'm just along for the ride, trying to be understanding but consistent. It's tough. Very Tough.

2010: 04/15

Mari painting pix for her teachers as goodbye presents.

It will be interesting to see, at the end of this year, how many pix I have at this easel. She is very happy here.

Oh, and her left arm is dangling limply because she has a bandaid on her "boo-boo" that she didn't want to get paint on.

2010: 04/14

Mari's grumpy/mean/robot/monster/dinosaur/pirate/silly/attitude face.
2010: 04/13
Ain't we cool in our purple shades. Mine are Fisher Price Little People, hers are My Little Pony.
We. Are. Cool.
2010: 04/12
Teaching Mari hop-a-scotch. She's not very coordinated but it sures helps her learn her numbers.

2010: 04/11

Yup....that's a bottle of shampoo.

Yup....it's ALL in her hair.

Nope....not so fun to rinse out.

2010: 04/10

Mari decided the summer catalog needed a touch of Christmas.

2010: 04/09
Is this a silent hint for a pedicure?

A wish for an early Christmas?

Or an acute case of sticker-measles?

We do lead thrilling lives, don't we??

Week 14 of 52

2010-04-08T21:08:00.003-04:00

2010: 04/08

This rocking chair was an unexpected gift from a very special friend of Mari's. We are in the process of changing daycares and Mari will miss her teachers very much. Ms. Toya has had some similar experiences in her past and we were very privileged to be given the gift of the handmade rocking chair she was given by her forever family. 2010: 04/07

"Mommy, why does the pumpkin have cream on it?"

Because it is 90 degrees in April - has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Mommy should have thrown it out 6 months ago. Absolutely nothing to do with that. 2010: 04/06

90 degrees in April?

Slip-N-Slide time! 2010: 04/05

Daniel and his mom joined us before heading to our Orphans Hope meeting...Mari and Daniel got in a little playtime in the "minestrone" table. 2010: 04/04

Easter Sunday.

I think someone needs an attitude adjustment! 2010: 04/03

Dying Easter eggs. Outside. That's a first! 2010: 04/02

Mari loves her new roller skates...you probably couldn't tell by the look on her face!

Happy Birthday Mari!

2010-04-04T20:30:00.002-04:00

Mari's birthday has come and gone over a week ago but it's been crazy around here and I'm just finally getting around to posting about it.

Mari had a wonderful day with me on her birthday. She even leaned over to me during dinner and hugged me and said "I'm so happy to see you, Mommy." It's days like that - well, I'll never forget that moment.

Her party was a huge success; it was also a lot of work. Our friend, Heather, came over to help and we appreciate that very much. By the time Heather and Charles have kids of their own, she'll either be a birthday party expert or never want to do one ever again!

Some random facts about Mari's birthday party.

The pinata would NOT break. I was so worried about it breaking during shipping and I oh-so-gently stuffed it full of goodies and treated it with kid gloves while getting it ready to hang. It would NOT break. We finally had to have one of the older kids just beat the heck out of it while I held it still. Even then, I basically just had to rip it and dump it out.
Speaking of older kids....Mari's much-older boyfriend came to the party. She told me earlier in the day that he has a big smile! When he walked in, she walked right over to him and pulled her dress up to show him her underwear. Seriously.
We had 2 kleptomaniacs in attendance...Landon was trying to sneak Mari's toy cars home and Abigail kept rearranging everyones treat bags.
We had tie-dye triplets in attendance. I guess when there is only one store that sells tie-dye, the choices are limited!
Mari did not eat her birthday cupcake...she licked the icing for awhile and then stuck it upside down to the table. If I had made her a potato chip cake - she would have been in heaven.
Mari totally did not get the whole present opening thing. Everytime we opened a card to see who the gift was from, she insisted on taking the card to the giver. Wading her way through the crowd. Then we waited while we coaxed her back to the present. Then she opened it and then tried to give it back to the giver. And over and over. It was long. Luckily the last few gifts were from me and some people not at the party so we just saved those for later!
Some of the fabulous gifts (there were so many - and all very appropriate for Mari): roller skates!, a Lite-Bright, lots of puzzles, a Melissa & Doug birthday cake, tie-dye leggings (which she had to put on immediately!), several cool summer outfits, the Princess & the Frog movie and PJs, a swimming Dora, a kissing Elmo, a bathtub toy with a water pump and water-spitting elephant, and several arts/crafts/coloring sets, a pink tutu, and a sprinkler and slip-n-slide. Whew! She should be set for a couple years with all that.

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Week 13 of 52

2010-04-02T20:49:00.005-04:00

Another week of fun down. It was a little easier getting pix this week...lots of fun with a birthday party, new presents, warm weather. My photography skills are not getting any better but at least there were more choices!

2010: 04/01

Supper at Dairy Queen to celebrate short-sleeved shirts and warm temps. Mari got a little frustrated with her ice cream.

(This pic was taken on my cell phone - which is better quality than my first digital camera.)

2010: 03/31

Mari and I spent the day together...she had a doctor's appt and I wanted to scout out new daycares. So we added a trip to Target in the middle to get a helmet and kneepads (for her new bday roller skates). She then insisted she needed "arm" pads so I made her some by cutting up the tops off a pair of my socks. She loves them. Go figure!
2010: 03/30
Mari watching Princess and the Frog while wearing her Tiana PJs (both bday gifts) with her froggy friend (which was a Christmas present).

2010: 03/29

Fun hairstyle!

2010: 03/28

Mari checking on her 9-month-old fish, Super Grover.

2010: 03/27

The tie-dye birthday party was a blast. I'll make that a separate post very soon. But aren't we cute??

2010: 03/26

Somebunny looks cute!

Never met a rabbit that didn't have a snotty nose.

Week 12 of 52

2010-03-28T20:37:00.005-04:00

2010: 03/25

Spring has sprung.

Allergy season has begun.

2010: 03/24

Happy Birthday Mari!! 2010: 03/23

Experimenting with icing for M's cupcakes

2010: 03/22
Weather has perked up enough to enjoy our picnic table!

2010: 03/21

Somehow this reminds me of my grandmother...she always wore a sleeping cap too.

2010: 03/20

Cousin Madi came over to play and the girls tested out the bubble machine.

2010: 03/19

Strawberries+flipflops+picnic table=SPRING!

Happy Birthday, Mari!

2010-03-24T20:38:00.003-04:00

Mari had a great 3rd birthday! She had a special snack at school, left early to hang out with Mommy, had her first gymnastics class, dinner at Ruby Tuesdays, presents, and a sleepover with ALL her stuffed animals to finish the day. I'll post more pix after her party on Saturday.

I think Mari summed the day up best - during supper, she leaned over to me and gave me a great big hug and said "I'm so happy to see you, Mommy." And below, a picture is worth a thousand words.

I love you, Amari Roza! Happy happy birthday!

Week 11 of 52

2010-03-19T21:27:00.003-04:00

Ahh....another week done. Time seems to be flying by. Here is the last week of our exciting life...some of the pix aren't the most thrilling; I've found myself doing more video snippets than snapshots lately.

2010: 03/18

Mari lined ~~all~~ some of her friends up for bedtime, being sure to leave room for herself. I pointed out that the pillow was missing and she told me that was okay because she would use Barney as a pillow. So there.

2010: 03/17

(Sorry, no St. Patrick's Day pix)

My drawing ability is about as wonderful as my singing (gasp!), so when Mari asked me to draw a firetruck, I just laughed. And tried.

She declared it "PERFECT!"

I love my kid!!

2010: 03/16

I really love fruits and veggies but I have a pretty limited palate. I've made it a priority to at least try new foods. Yes, that's right. I'm 32 and never had asparagus.

Mari is not as crazy about this adventure as I am but she did try it.

2010: 03/15
Flip-flop season! What more is there to say?
2010: 03/14

My birthday. A very exciting day - full of laundry and household chores.

I got some great gifts, including some new books and DVDs.

My BFF Juli sent me a little care package - just shows how well she really knows me.

Grippos - the BEST barbecue potato chips ever made - found only in her region around KY.

Archie comics - we grew up reading these together, spending many sleepovers staying up to read Archie.

Amazon - no explanation needed there!

2010: 03/13

Saturday was PlayGroup day and I have lots of great pictures but you can click this link to see those.

Here Mari is patiently waiting on PlayGroup to start. I love how focused she is.

2010: 03/12

My girl and her big brown eyes.

I ♥ Faces - "Bundled Up"

2010-03-15T22:31:00.005-04:00

It's been a little while since I entered a photo in the I ♥ Faces weekly contest. I'm totally amateur and the amazing photos on there totally ~~intimidate~~ awe me. But when I saw this theme, I knew the picture I wanted to enter - one of my favorites of all time.

I took this picture just 10 days after returning home from Ethiopia in January 2008. Two weeks prior, Mari and I were sitting in a room in the US Embassy dripping with sweat; I'm sure the temperature in that upper room packed with people was well over 100 degrees. A few days later we flew home to Mari's first brisk, cold winter.

Mari wasn't too sure about the massive amounts of clothes I bundled her in that morning but she LOVED the snow.

Go to the I ♥ Faces blog and check out tons of other beautiful pictures of faces all "Bundled Up."

Week 10 of 52

2010-03-11T22:13:00.005-05:00

Did a little better this week with pictures!

2010: 03/11

Tried on Mari's dress for her birthday party (she's LOVES rainbow tie-dye).

I was going to wait until right before her party (in 2 weeks) but I was worried it was too big. Fits perfect and she's in love with herself!

2010: 03/10

Mari asked to wear a hat - this was the best I could find.
2010: 03/09
Mari had some rough days at school and on this day she literally cried from the time I picked her up until she went to bed...it broke my heart.

2010: 03/08

Doesn't she look so different with her hair combed into one ponytail?

2010: 03/07

Wal-Mart deals - turtlenecks, shirts, sweatshirts, 10 for $21.

They all came out of the little girls' section instead of the toddler section. Sniff sniff sniff, waaah!

2010: 03/06

Sporting her new sleeping cap...she doesn't mind it but doesn't leave it on, either.

2010: 03/05

My clinic had a Wii party at my house. It was actually a surprise bridal shower for one of our coworkers...we bought her a Wii (hey, it was on her registwii!).

Mari showing the girls how to sing.

Week 9 of 52

2010-03-09T22:04:00.007-05:00

Okay....so I missed a couple days of pictures this week. Just too stinking busy! But not with anything exciting enough to whip out the camera. Too sad. But I'm determined to put up a picture a day and I promise I will not let it (cheating) happen again. Yeah, right!

2010: 03/04

Actually - this is 2008. Home less than 2 months. Mommy thinking she was dying of malaria (just mono!). She was such an itty bitty chunky little hunk of cuteness, wasn't she?

2010: 03/03

Actually - this one is 2009. A little bigger but still looking like a baby-face....loving the Ernie hairbands!
2010: 03/02
Told Mari it was bedtime. She was not happy. Put on my sneakers and decided to take Abby and her groceries to Grandma's house.

2010: 03/01

Not really a cheat on this day - This is our new "unofficial" logo for Playgroup with a Purpose.

I was recently invited by my neighbors to join their church to help start an "orphan ministry." It has been a wonderful experience so far and Rachel and I were able to introduce our Playgroup idea to them. To see our Playgroup's activities, click on the handprint!

2010: 02/28

Another new hairstyle - cornrows in a rainbow pattern.

Very well-received and seemed to stay in a lot better than straight lines - I guess because they followed the natural contour of her head?

2010: 02/27

Mari's prolific artwork was taking over the fridge...put a bulletin board in her room.

2010: 02/26

A sneak peak at Mari's birthday party (in another month!).

Inspired by her beloved "rainbow shirt"!!!!!!

Yup, very exciting week again! Scroll on down to see Week 8, if you haven't already - I posted both weeks in one night! I promise, no more cheats! And the next few weeks should be a little more picture-worthy.

Week 8 of 52

2010-03-09T21:27:00.004-05:00

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know I'm a couple weeks behind. Sigh. Get over it. We've had some busy weeks and the next few will be busy too. And hopefully more exciting than what these pix make our lives out to be!

2010: 02/25

More puzzles - this kid is a puzzle freak! Mastering a 24-piece straight out of the box.

We had a short lesson in edge pieces and then she took off on her own.

(Yes, her hair was a little busy - fun, though!)

2010: 02/24

Love this for 2 reasons:

#1 This outfit is a hand-me-down from a friend...Mari doesn't usually like to wear anything but blue jeans but she loves this outfit.

#2 The look on her face is priceless....it's her "robot dinosaur" face. Don't ask.

2010: 02/23

A little blurry but Mari was SO proud that she finally managed to ride and pedal at the same time. She got this bike over a year ago and is just now (barely) tall enough to reach the pedals!)
2010: 02/22
Love the hair, Love the shirt, LOVE THIS KID!
But when did she grow up?
2010: 02/21
2 hours of hair time, 1 beader, 120 beads, dozens of failed hair snaps, dozens of black rubber bands, hundreds of mommy tears.
1 gasp of "Mommy, Mommy, look at my beads!!!!"
I'll do it all over again.
2010: 02/20
Trying to keep someone occupied by challenging her more. Dumped all her puzzles and told her to put them together. Kept her busy for 20 minutes but she was unimpressed.

2010: 02/19

Mari discovered a Hoops and YoYo musical card on Grandma's keyboard. I think you can tell by her expression what she thought of them!

Week 7 of 52

2010-02-21T20:53:00.006-05:00

Little behind posting the week's pictures.

2010: 02/18

One of the many art projects Mari has done lately at school.

Hoping the sparkly flowers will bring good luck to those awaiting referrals.

2010: 02/17

Colorforms - who knew they still made them?

Mari calls them "stickers" but who cares?

2010: 02/16

Icicles mean that the snow is melting off the roof.

Slowly, but surely.

2010: 02/15

What a layer of fresh powdery snow looks like on top of mountains of old hard snow.
2010: 02/14
Happy Valentine's Day - Bah Humbug!
Mari swung the turtle around by his head and snapped his neck.
The turtle was a very good patient while I sewed it back on.
2010: 02/13
One of the best pictures I've ever taken.
This picture reflects my entire life.
Like mother, like daughter. (tears!)
2010: 02/12
The coolest jeans ever!
So cool that, during circle time, Mari's friends decided to see if the teddy bear was removable.
It is if you pull hard enough!
Don't pass out from the excitement that is our lives, folks!

Week 6 of 52

2010-02-12T20:46:00.002-05:00

2010: 02/11

Mari and her new love...jigsaw puzzles.

Hours (and I do mean hours) of quiet time!

2010: 02/10

Snow Day from work!

Blowing, blowing, blowing away.

2010: 02/09

Trees in the backyard barely hanging on.
2010: 02/08
Maybe my favorite picture of all-time.
Mari's favorite shirt - Rainbow Shirt.
2010: 02/07
Mari loves the idea of earrings.
Here she tries out Mrs. Potato Head's jewelry.
2010: 02/06
What to do when Mommy's been shoveling 20+ inches off the driveway for what seems like hours....

2010: 02/05

Snow again??

NO!!

Be sure to scroll down to the next post for a wordy update on our exciting lives!!

My Little Angel Demon Angel

2010-02-12T20:28:00.005-05:00

Long, long overdue for a real update. This is long and probably boring but this blog is to document our lives, so here goes...

I’ve used the term “developmental explosion” before and we are certainly in the midst of one now. These are usually accompanied by horrendous behavior but when life settles down again, it usually means we are at a totally new stage. And a new stage we are entering - a seemingly calm, quiet one. Shhhh….

We will be making Mari’s 3-yr-old appt soon (her birthday is in about 5ish weeks) but right now she is about 36 inches and 34 pounds. Still a little hefty but her legs are growing longer and she is losing her pot-belly. She is now sliding easily into 3T clothes and for once, her pants are starting to fit lengthwise (not such a shorty anymore). This is especially good news because with the question of her possibly having had Ricketts, there was a pretty good chance that she would be pretty short….we are jumping up on the growth curve now!
Dressing - Mari can dress herself, as long as you lay everything out perfectly. She has some trouble with shirts because of her awesome hair…it gets in her way sometimes! She LOVES wearing jeans and has a favorite shirt (tie-dye) that she calls her Rainbow Shirt. We will actually be using her Rainbow Shirt as an inspiration for her birthday party.
Mari LOVES doing art. Her art desk (a Christmas present from her grandparents) has been a huge hit. She loves to color with markers, chalk, colored pencils. We watercolor almost everyday. Just mentioning “art” to her sends her in a tizzy. “Art. Art. Can we do art Mommy, Please?”
Mari has recently mastered jigsaw puzzles. We had a couple 9-piece ones that we have been working on since Christmas. She would get SO frustrated with them and give up, even after I outlined the shape of the pieces on the cardboard back for her. A couple weekends ago (while snowed-in, again), she sat for 2 hours just working them over and over again. And over and over again. So we went to Target and bought a couple more 9-piece ones and a 12 piece one. She immediately sat down with the 12-piece one and put it together by herself straight out of the package…no help, no lines, just Mari being very diligent about matching pieces and turning them until they fit. She was so patient. And so sedate that SamSam (the cat who usually avoids her) actually started rubbing against her until she absentmindedly started petting him!!
We also love cooking - Mari will make full-out meals in her little play kitchen but she mostly loves to help Mommy in the kitchen. She is pretty adept with the whisk and even the electric mixer (eeek!). Her favorite job is cracking eggs and she always reminds me “I have to wash my hands after the eggs, Mommy!” She helped me make a potpie the other night and then actually ate it…so that little piece of wisdom about getting kids involved in food prep increases their chances of eating it - yup, it works!
I taught her how to carry her fork with the tines pointed down (she has to take her stuff to the sink every night after dinner) and she makes a big production out of getting my attention and turning the fork around to point down and then carrying it carefully to the sink. Hilarious! She is so proud of herself!
Language is off the charts. Mari has always been a talker but she BLOWS ME AWAY with the conversations we have. Her manners are becoming super-duper awesome and I very rarely have to remind her to ask nicely. Everything starts with “Please, may I…..” Unfortunately, she is having a hard time understanding that asking nicely doesn’t always mean you get what you want. She often tells me that she is being a “good listener because I’m cooperating.” ???!!!! And she has an amazing grasp of things like pronouns, plurals, noun-verb agreement, and neither/either…not that she has perfect grammar by any stretch of the imagination, but it is pretty amazing. Her current favorite phrases are: when you tell her to do anything, “if you say so, Mommy” and if she wants you to play with her, "we can do it together, Mommy!"
We are working on recognizing letters. This has been harder than I imagined. She has known her shapes for a long time (including the hard ones like hexagon, rhombus??, diamond), so I didn’t think letters would be that big of a stretch. She is very good with the letter sounds…D says duh duh duh, T says tuh tuh tuh, etc. But the recognition is tougher. She knows A O W R I (strange combination, huh?).
We are very into counting. We count EVERYthing. She can count objects up to 20 as long as they are not all jumbled up - then she loses her place. She knows her numbers up to 10 in Spanish (although not always in the right order!). She knows up to 3 in Chinese (thank you, Kai-Lan!) and she can fill in the blanks with Amharic if I help her. Again, though, the sight recognition is tough.
Behavior…I mentioned that with each developmental jump comes behavior issues. It’s been a tough month or so. It started with all the snow and the holidays. Too much going on, too much being stuck in the house, too much schedule interruptions, etc. It was too much of too much. Plus, her best friends at school are not the best behaved in the world (not that Mari is either, not saying that!) and she will come home and echo things/behaviors that she saw some of these children getting away with at school. Most of the times she gets in trouble at school is because she was caving to peer pressure (oh, it starts early!).
She is in a very difficult stage right now…she recently discovered that she was a baby once - didn’t realize that this would be such an epiphany, but it was. She struggles with this and the fact that she wants to do EVERYthing herself. So we are either having meltdowns because she doesn’t want help at all or because she wants to be a baby and make me do everything. She has even told me that she “wants to be a baby” and that she “doesn’t want to be Mari anymore.” Break my heart. We’ve had meltdowns because the moon was broken (it was a half moon!) and because her boo-boo was missing (it was never there in the first place). Whoa is me!
Discipline has taken on a new twist. I put my foot down and will not allow any lip, no tantrums, no whining. It was a tough couple of weeks of mean mommy, it was heartbreaking. But it’s working. Mari is only allowed to whine, cry, tantrum, etc. in her bedroom. I tell her to go to her room because no one wants to hear it….she actually will walk to her room on her own now, even while verbally protesting.
We have started a new phase of the smiley faces (yes, they are still around) - now she has to actively earn them and when she gets 5, she gets a prize out of the prize jar (mostly erasers, koosh balls, stickers). Thank you Angie for this idea. She is very proud of her prizes…she currently has a blue koosh ball living in her pocket! It goes everywhere with her!
On adoption issues - something I haven’t mentioned in a LONG time - we’ve had some new developments. In talking more with her about her birthmom and sister, the question of her father and her brother have arisen. I tell Mari that her father is in Ethiopia (that’s all I know) and try to explain to her that she doesn’t have a brother - she is convinced, though, that every family should have a brother. I agree. Maybe one day. I asked Mari recently if she wanted a little brother or sister, she told me she wanted a blue one. So we are currently looking for an adoption agency that works with the Smurfs. If anyone has contacts, let me know!
Several of my friends that completed adoptions at the same time that I did, are in the midst of their second adoptions. It has been hard not going through this with them, but I know 100% that we are not ready. We are getting closer, but not ready yet. I have very much enjoyed the anticipation, the excitement, the celebration (and hoping for more to come soon!)….it is nice to be a part of the process without having the personal angst and anxiety. Although, I’m pretty anxious for them!!!!!!!!! I can’t wait to see my friends’ families growing larger and being blessed.

Okay, this post is way too long and I could go on and on and just chat and chat but you are bored and tired of reading (if you still are, at this point!). The reason that I could finally sit down and write a long post - MARI HAS BEEN DOING HER NEW PUZZLES THIS ENTIRE TIME! Guess what she’s getting for her birthday?? Harder puzzles!!

Week 5 of 52

2010-02-04T21:31:00.007-05:00

2010: 02/04

Our forecast for the weekend. 20-28inches.

Keep in mind, we already have 8 inches on the ground.

We already had a 30ish inch snowfall right before Christmas.

We're done. Mari doesn't even get excited about snow anymore.

At least I'm getting my $'s worth out of those snowpants.

2010: 02/03

(Okay...cheated a little. Took this picture on the 4th. GASP!)

But I did the hairstyle on the 3rd, it just looked cuter with the doodads in it the next morning.

I love this style, it will be repeated.

2010: 02/02

Just when I'm complaining that I worry about Mari not doing pretend play and "nurturing" dolls....she whips out a long game of doctor. Here she is giving Kai-Lan a check-up. Kai-Lan had a bellyache because she ate too many mooncakes!

2010: 02/01
This picture represents our daily lives. After bath and lotion/jammie time, Mari always gets a popsicle. Not sure why, that's just how we roll around here. It's a mini one, it's sugar free, what's the harm...
2010: 01/31
The snow storm that left us about 8ish inches on the ground. Mari played in it for about 20 minutes while I shoveled the driveway and made no protest when I told her it was time to come in.

2010: 01/30
Maybe I should have named this "Hair Week"
Bantu knots - sort of.
Dealing with some dermatitis in her scalp, having to work with her head every night means a new hairstyle quite frequently.
2010: 01/29
Mari is fascinated with violins.

Another riveting week down....thrilling!!!!
I'm sure next week's post will be snow. Snow. SNOW!

Adoption Day - Revisited

2010-01-31T20:20:00.014-05:00

I never finished posting about Adoption Day (January 2nd) - I posted our 2-year video but did not ever post about the actual day. It was pretty low-key. We went to Ruby Tuesday for dinner, Mari ate off my plate and ignored hers (what's new?), I gave her a couple presents, we had ice cream cake, then she colored on my couch with markers and Happy Adoption Day was over. That's it in a nutshell! But here are a few details.....

In recognizing Mari’s Adoption Day, I try to accomplish two things…celebrate her home country and heritage and celebrate her uniqueness and individuality. This year she received two gifts.

The first one was an Ethiopian flag (representing the flag from when she was born - it changes quite frequently). I was very surprised by how much she loved it…granted, she thought it was a blanket and has a recently developed fascination with blankets, but I was still surprised by how happy this gift made her. BTW, she knew instantly that it was an Ethiopian flag…she opened it and said “Ee-ti-o-pee-a!!”

The other gift was a doll. I’ve struggled with dolls with Mari. She has NO interest, whatsoever, in playing with dolls. I’m trying to foster this a little bit because I worry about her ability to nurture and show empathy…she actually is very good at feeling empathy but lacks in the physical acts of nurturing. I thought that maybe a doll that looked like her would help. A fellow adoptive mom sent me a picture of a doll she had had made by an Etsy artist pmsusie (crafter, sewer, seller, whatever you call them….she is definitely an artist!). It had the most adorable face ever and was like nothing I could find on the market anywhere. I contacted her and asked her to make a doll for Mari. I sent her a couple pix of Mari and even the link to our blog so she could capture the “spirit of Mari.”
Not only is she an amazingly easy person to work with and very gracious, but she really puts her heart into her work…it’s not just about making dolls to sell, it’s about making someone very happy. Before she shipped the doll, she emailed me some pix to make sure I approved (I did - the doll was amazing!). So when the doll arrived and I opened the box, I was moved to tears by the surprise within. I saw yellow fabric and I thought, “hmmm…what’s this?” Not only had she gone back through the blog to look at pix but she had used my post on Mari’s Raffey as an inspiration…and made a little Raffey for Mini-Mari. I was so surprised and blown away by this gracious act.When Mari opened her doll…she said “It’s ME! Mommy, it’s ME!!” Yes, Mari, this doll represents you completely - cheerful, adorable, whimsical, light-hearted, and full of joy.

Thanks pmsusie!!
I think she liked her gifts...she even shared the real "Raffey" with Mini-Mari.

Week 4 of 52

2010-01-31T20:03:00.005-05:00

2010: 01/28

Yes, that's Pluto on her cheek.

Donald Duck is on the other side, in case you're wondering.

2010: 01/27

We've had some rough times lately. I snapped this picture of Mari as she was watching her "One Year Home" video. She told me that she wanted to "be a baby" and "not be Mari anymore." What a struggle between dependence and independence. I'm amazed and frightened by her level of empathy and emotion. 2010: 01/26
Monkey bread.
YUM!
Yes, Mari helped make it....helped a lot actually.
2010: 01/25
Probably the worst night of our lives, behavior-wise.
Can't imagine it has anything to do with the increasing frequency of her nebs.

2010: 01/24

Playing alphabet game on her LeapFrog computer.
2010: 01/23
During Playgroup with a Purpose

Mari got in trouble and I took her to her room for a couple minutes, Madi got very upset about this and needed to come along for some calm down time too.

2010: 01/22

Mari was pretty sick this day with a bad cold, respiratory infection.

She is actually throwing a tantrum because she said she was "too sick to take a nap."

I think the picture proves that she needs a nap really badly!

Week 3 of 52

2010-01-22T12:32:00.005-05:00

Again....going from most recent to earliest. Another week down. Hopefully this coming week will be more exciting!

2010: 01/21

Mari playing with an umbrella indoors. GASP!

Also one of my first Photoshop Elements Projects - just playing with color

2010: 01/20

Blue-nosed Amari - new species of bathtub fish

2010: 01/19

On a crusade to stay away from fast food.

Less than 15 minutes, less than $10, leftovers for 2 meals

2010: 01/18

We recently had pix done. I put this one on our end table. Mari will not leave it alone, she carries it all over the house and calls it "US."

She has even taken "US" to bed - feels good to be a part of us!

2010: 01/17
What happens when I leave Mari alone painting while I head for a shower.
To each their own....
2010: 01/16
Mari and Cousin Madi got to spend the day together last Saturday.
I think they like each other.
2010: 01/15
Mari squirms around more in her big girl bed than she ever did in her crib.
The blanket is one I used when she first came home and she was doing "floor time." She recently found it and I showed her pix of her playing on it as a baby. It is now her "baby blanket" and she is becoming very attached to it.

Another exciting week!! I bet you were on the edge of your seat the whole time, huh?

Another Week of Pix

2010-01-17T20:53:00.006-05:00

Yes, already falling behind on the posting. Yes, I still owe you a couple of posts from some other things (like Adoption Day). Yes, I promise I will post more often...as soon as life settles down again (so, when Mari's about 25ish).

Here is Week 2 in pictures (yes, we are already well into Week 3 and I have some really funny pix for it but you have to wait!). Week 2 was not terribly exciting, sorry. And they are in order from most recent to earliest; can't really figure out what format I want to do but it'll do for now.

Week 2 of 52

2010: 01/14

Attempting to reorganize, cleanout, and simplify. Today's task was the hair accessories. This is what we started with....I got it ALL into one large, 3-drawer container.

2010: 01/13

Meet Britney and Alvin

"We're the Chipettes, UH-HUH!"

"Hello, Gorgeous!"

2010: 01/12

Reorganization at it's most complicated. This "Art Cabinet" used to be the pet pantry. The pet food is now in the cabinet that used to hold the vacuum sealer and miscellaneous small kitchen appliances. The small kitchen appliances are now in the big kitchen drawer that used to hold miscellaneous sippy cups, bowls, parts of bottles, etc. All that baby stuff is now in a box awaiting yard sale! That was a 3 hour project that I decided to do spur-of-the-moment.
2010: 01/11
My little Medusa!

2010: 01/10

Mari typically rips socks off every chance she gets. She must have been really cold to go grab two pairs out of her drawer and stick them on her feet.

2010: 01/09

Mari and I went to have pictures done professionally. Here's Mari with her luscious curls waiting on me to get ready.

2010: 01/08

Mari sharing her stickers with Raffey. Guess she didn't want him to see what she was watching on TV.

Wow! Wasn't that exciting?? Welcome to our lives. Day-by-day. Pretty thrilling, huh?

Awesome Art

2010-01-08T06:23:00.002-05:00

Do you LOVE this as much as I do?

Click on the picture to check out Jodi's awesome art.

"Even the Mighty Oceans of the World Could Not Keep My Heart From You"